Children and Grieving

My three year old nephew Harry sat on my mums bed while she did the ironing. After a while he asked ‘where are nana’s clothes?’ noticing she was only ironing her own. ‘Doesn’t nana love you anymore?’ his little mind trying to make sense of why his grandfather didn’t live with us now. Finally he computed a solution: ‘lets get a ladder nanny then we can go ‘upstairs’ and bring nana back.’

Harry’s ‘let’s get a ladder and fetch nana back’ idea which has gone on for a few weeks came to a head yesterday as my mum told him ‘people who go upstairs to God don’t come back’, hearing this he went straight over to a wall painting depicting a religious figure and started hitting it repeatedly, a strong action for a little boy who isn’t known to be angry.

I wonder how difficult it must be for him as a small child to square the loss of his grandfather.

Past Lives

I’ve always been interested in reincarnation and sometimes asked myself questions like; ‘Where was I a hundred years ago?’, ‘Where will I be in two hundred years from now?’ I can’t remember where I read or heard this meaningful quote that ‘each lifetime is just another chapter in the book of the soul’. Like a story book the same characters show up again and again in the different chapters. I think this is the same for us, people whom we have been connected to before in another time and place showing up again in our current lives. I also believe we carry forward special qualities and talents. So the plot moves on a little more each time as we give where we have previously taken and receive where we have given.

I wrote this post on 29th January, somehow feeling compelled to write on the topic of life and death. The following day on 30th January 2010 Dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Thankfully it was a painless natural death and he did not suffer. Here he is on our last holiday together in India.

Sharpening the Saw

This is a wonderful analogy used by Stephen Covey in his fantastic book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, in which he describes the sorry state of a person working long and hard to cut down a tree, sweated and worn out from the effort. When it is suggested he take a break and sharpen the saw he replies ‘Goodness I don’t have time to sharpen the saw, I’m far too busy sawing!’ and carries on sawing away with the blunt blade.

India is my favourite place to go and sharpen my saw. Last time I was there several ideas for articles came to me in a matter of minutes and I have since written and published those pieces. There were also spontaneous ideas for workshops, which I have run in this last year. Plans which came to mind so effortlessly in India, have matured now and blossomed into wonderful projects. And of course it’s not just the creative saw which is sharpened but also the physical, emotional and spiritual, through rest, being close to nature and having time to reflect.

Happiness Formula

I appreciate simplicity and this little formula is very dear to me.

‘Eat well, sleep well, think positive thoughts and move your body’

I find it an easy check list to hold in the front of my mind as I go about life.

Eat well – eating what suits my particular body (a vegan diet) and saying no to ‘plastic’ food (junk food).

Sleep well – means good routine and a well rested body that’s raring for the world in the morning.

Think positive thoughts – remembering I always have choice, I can step back and ask: ‘is this train of thought going to take me to a positive destination or a negative one?’, before I jump on it.

Moving the body – energy spent is energy earned, exercise is a fantastic investment!

For me these are the roots of the wellbeing tree, the fruits are clarity of thought, informed decisions, energy, motivation and action.

People are Reliable

I recall the words of a colleague who once said ‘people are reliable, you only need to meet them twice – on the first meeting they’ll tell you everything about themselves, just look and listen without any wishful thinking. There won’t be much new information in the second meeting; this is just to confirm what you picked up on in the first. After that you’ll just get repetitions of the behaviour, manner, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses that came out in that first interaction. So you can decide whether or not to progress in business or friendship based on your first meeting and be pretty accurate.’

I’ve never forgotten his wisdom. However in the past few months I’ve had real insight into what he was saying, when two people whom I met many years ago popped up out of the blue. There had been no contact for a long time and with each separate person it was startling to see that whatever I had been wary of in the initial meeting was still there only this time more exaggerated, more entrenched. In both cases the outer circumstances of each person’s life were also exactly the same as they had been several years earlier, which informed me that the inner thoughts and beliefs must also still be the same, since our actions stem from our perceptions.

In therapy it’s often said that three things have to be present in order for change to take place. The first is awareness that change is required, then the willingness and effort to make that change, the third is the right kind of professional help to facilitate the change process. If any one of these is missing change won’t occur. On the other hand it’s rare that all three conditions come together in the same place at the same time, hence my dear colleague’s words, ‘people are reliable, because they keep doing the same thing again and again.’

Today, Tomorrow, No Now!!

At the weekend I sat down and went through the nice new diary I bought a while ago, planning the times when I would like to take leave next year. It’s a great thing to do as there is no boss to seek permission from and I can take as much or as little as I like. It took a while and after I finished I went and did some chores. As I moved around I had a profound realization when a voice in my head said – ‘I don’t even know if I’ll be alive at that time I’m planning for, I have no guarantee whatsoever I’ll even be here tomorrow, this evening even!’

Life is just moment to moment and the present is all we truly ever have. It was one of those rare gems of thought, which has made me slow down (a lot) and savour what I’m doing as I’m doing it and I certainly feel enriched as a result. So much of our western lifestyle is focused on the future - a destination somewhere out there, and that’s important, equally too though is the journey that is to get us there and enjoyment of what happens along the way.

Getting a Perspective

At the weekend I went to a social event. As I parked my car and walked to the front of the building, thoughts regarding difficulties with a supplier of services to my business occupied my mind. At the entrance a man walked quickly across my path, he was holding onto the arm of a younger guy slightly ahead of him, I realised the man was blind. At that moment the difficulties which had been troubling me dropped from my mind in an instant. It was as if the universe was putting my troubles in perspective by reminding me of the gifts I take for granted and forget about - vision being only one of them, there are numerous – food, water, shelter, good health, hearing, mobility, caring family and friends.