People are Reliable

I recall the words of a colleague who once said ‘people are reliable, you only need to meet them twice – on the first meeting they’ll tell you everything about themselves, just look and listen without any wishful thinking. There won’t be much new information in the second meeting; this is just to confirm what you picked up on in the first. After that you’ll just get repetitions of the behaviour, manner, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses that came out in that first interaction. So you can decide whether or not to progress in business or friendship based on your first meeting and be pretty accurate.’

I’ve never forgotten his wisdom. However in the past few months I’ve had real insight into what he was saying, when two people whom I met many years ago popped up out of the blue. There had been no contact for a long time and with each separate person it was startling to see that whatever I had been wary of in the initial meeting was still there only this time more exaggerated, more entrenched. In both cases the outer circumstances of each person’s life were also exactly the same as they had been several years earlier, which informed me that the inner thoughts and beliefs must also still be the same, since our actions stem from our perceptions.

In therapy it’s often said that three things have to be present in order for change to take place. The first is awareness that change is required, then the willingness and effort to make that change, the third is the right kind of professional help to facilitate the change process. If any one of these is missing change won’t occur. On the other hand it’s rare that all three conditions come together in the same place at the same time, hence my dear colleague’s words, ‘people are reliable, because they keep doing the same thing again and again.’