Treasure Maps

Creating a treasure map is one of my favourite things to do around this time of year. It’s an enjoyable, fun way of coming up with a wish list for the year ahead. The beauty of it is, because it employs right brain, unconscious processes through imagery, the usual kinds of limited thinking associated with setting goals is easily by-passed.

At the beginning of December I’ll start collecting old magazines, brochures and leaflets that come through the door. So that by the time the holidays start there is a good pile. I tend to do it in two stages. The first afternoon I just go through and cut out any images which appeal to me, it’s not necessary to know why I’m drawn to them, just that I am. It helps to set the scene too, by creating a relaxing environment, through lighting some candles, making sure the room is really cosy and having some nice snacks to nibble on. The next day I’ll take the pile of cut out images and sift them, some may be discarded and with those that remain I’ll start to arrange them onto a piece of coloured card. Once all the positions feel right I’ll stick them down with glue. I might look at it for a day or two and then it will go in the wardrobe out of sight before the new year begins, until I happen to be doing some spring cleaning or sorting, when it might be looked over again.

The unconscious mind processes information in the form of images, symbols, metaphors and analogies. Sometimes it’s only when the year comes to a close that I have been able to work out what a particular image represented to me, as a goal - hence the name treasure, since treasure is always hidden, however the map does always lead to it. For the several years I’ve been creating a treasure map for yearly goals, somehow I’ve always achieved everything on it – this year in particular I feel I’ve just whizzed through in terms of my being, doing and having goals. So I’m looking forward to what the next year will bring.

Time for Reflection

As the year draws to a close I’ve been reflecting upon the experiences which have been most significant for me. My two trips to India certainly stand out. It was a real test of personal strength to travel alone as a woman knowing that I was going to be entirely responsible for my personal safety and well being. There wouldn’t be the reassurance of emergency services such as police and ambulance as we have here, I’d be completely alone, save for the few days spent with some relatives.

Both trips were exhilarating. I let myself be guided by my intuition, if a situation or person didn’t feel right I didn’t hang around to find out why. Just because an individual or family were friendly and warm it didn’t mean they had my trust, that’s something earned over time. It was emotionally taxing though to be constantly aware of potential dangers to safety, not smiling as much as I do normally was really hard, a friend of mine had told me to leave my smile at the departure lounge at Heathrow and pick it up on the way back – ‘it means different things out there’ she said. Being firm but polite was not too difficult as it’s part of my business personality and staying reserved and quiet was easy since I was travelling alone and there was no one to talk to anyway – the funny outcome of that was most of the locals thought I couldn’t speak the language, some went to great pains to speak to me in English while others would talk about me not knowing I could understand every word that was being said!

‘It’s a land of extremes’ as a friend once said, true to a great extent, a place where chaos and tranquillity dwell as neighbours.

Here are some shots from my last day there.

Two Garments

I received some sad news recently of a relative who has been diagnosed with a serious illness. As I thought about it today I was reminded of a particular Sikh teaching; that hardship and pain, joy and happiness are the two sets of clothes worn alternately by every human being as they travel on life’s journey.

I like this metaphor, to me at a deeper level it’s indicating that events distressing or happy are external, and we always have the power to choose our response in any situation no matter how difficult. A physical disease could be seen as the start of a healthier way of living. As for ailments labelled as life threatening, no person in the human race has a guarantee that they will wake up to another tomorrow. Crossing the street as a pedestrian, driving a car, getting on a train or aeroplane are just some of the countless potentially life endangering things we individuals do everyday.

For me it’s about not taking anything for granted and living life to the full, not just dreaming dreams but living them, now.

Serenity

For a while now I’ve cultivated a habit of getting up early and starting meditation and prayer at 5am. The thing that’s most profound at this time of day is the quietness, there’s simply no sound at all for up to 30 minutes sometimes until a car goes past somewhere in the distance. And it’s not just the silence that is so captivating to me but the stillness too - there’s no movement in the environment either, no cars or planes or people. It’s just like life is suspended. The experience of this silence and stillness sets me up for the whole day; it’s the foundation upon which the rest of the day stands. I was reflecting recently that I could give up anything else in life but not this serenity, it has untold value for me.

Rewards of a Healthy Life Style

I’ve been following a vegan diet now for more years than I can remember and over time I’ve added yoga, meditation and walking into my daily routine. For a few days I’d felt really resistant to taking my B complex vitamin supplement (B12 being a must for vegans). I normally have a blood test once in a while to check B12 and iron levels. So I booked myself in to see the nurse. ‘Before I put this needle in your arm…’ she said (very nice I thought!) ‘… I’ll quickly take your blood pressure as it’s been 2 years since you last visited the surgery.’ It was something over something, so I asked if she could kindly state it in terms that I could relate to, ‘It means you have the blood pressure of a teenager, you must have a really healthy life style.’

Trying to make the most of my visit she also asked if I could stand on the scales. I had a BMI (body mass index) of 20.4 in the healthy range of 20 to 25. When the results of the blood test came back I was right - B12 levels were at the very top of the healthy range, so I’m having a few weeks off my supplement. Although I feel all the benefits of a healthy diet, exercise and relaxation, it was really nice to have it quantified by a health professional. Well worth all the apples and carrots!

The Sage's Story

Here’s a great Zen Story which sums up the whole concept of living in the moment:

One day a sage was walking in the country when a tiger sprang at him and chased him over the side of a cliff. Luckily he was able to break his fall by clutching at a small shrub, and there he hung, above him the tiger and beneath him certain death on the rocks far below. As the sage clung to the shrub, he noticed some mice nibbling away at its base, and realised it would soon be gnawed right through. Then he caught sight of a wild strawberry plant just within reach, picked the single strawberry growing there, and savoured its sweet taste …..

In the story, the tiger at the top of the cliffs is the past, and the rocks at the bottom are the future. The mice nibbling away at the shrub are the passing of time, which inevitably will bring our earthly existence to a close. Yet the sage troubles himself with none of these things, and instead picks the wild strawberry, the symbol of life itself, and experiences to the full the beauty of its taste. His (or her) secret is the ability to be fully in touch with moment-by-moment experiences, rather than to obscure them with thoughts about past or future or the passage of time. The sage knows exactly what it means to be alive, and abides in that reality rather than in the confused chatter of the mind.

From The Fruits of Meditation by David Fontana, Retreat Magazine

Single Tasking

I learnt many things during the few days I spent with my relatives in India. Most of the time they wouldn’t let me help them so I was resigned to sitting and watching while we chatted and they went about their daily chores, they were probably right as I can’t really say I’m competent at cooking over a fire!

This gave me a great opportunity to observe how they do things and go about their tasks. What really stood out is that both the men and women only dealt with one task at a time. Their approach was calm, relaxed and focussed. They seemed to enjoy and savour whatever they were doing. And it’s not like they don’t have a lot to do, the farm is run in a very business like manner in which time keeping, individual responsibility and team work are critical.

Since coming back I’ve applied this rule of single tasking to both personal and professional areas of my life. It was a stretch at first for a super multi tasking modern woman, but the rewards have been great.

Just focusing on the task in hand and giving it all my attention, has resulted in increased satisfaction and focus. I feel calmer and enjoy what I’m doing more. The quality of the results I’m achieving is better too. Before I approach any task I think of what is important to do not just urgent and demanding, so that’s leading to better prioritising. Strangely I’m getting more done without feeling overwhelmed or stressed!

Single tasking is allowing me to live the moment rather than just whizz through it like a passenger on a high speed train.

Here’s a pic of my aunt after we’ve all had breakfast, she’s sorting lentils for lunch, there are things that need doing all around her, but she’s sitting comfortably just focusing on the task in hand. How nice!

Real Wealth

A few days ago I attended a seminar on creating wealth. The speaker’s perspective really caught my attention and I’ve been reflecting and musing over it since. He defined wealth as being what you are left with when you lose everything, when all your money, your home, car and possessions are gone. So your real wealth is your health, skills and talents and support system of family, friends and colleagues. These are all aspects over which each of us has direct influence and if actively nurtured and maintained I think this ‘Real Wealth’ would give rise to the material and monetary kind too.

Close to Nature

I love many things about India; one of them is how close it’s possible to be to nature. On this trip I saw how rice was harvested, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen rice on the stalk and I’ve been eating it all my life! It felt so bizarre when I came back to UK and sat at my PC, 48 hours earlier I had been taking the cows on my uncle’s farm to have their afternoon drink of water!

Memories

It’s good to be home again after three weeks in India. I wanted to start my trip there from the beginning – my earliest childhood memory is of this spot when I was eighteen months old and my parents had taken us on holiday. My mum had told me to stand on the side while she bathed my brother in the water. So I stood and like most small children who are drawn to shiny, bright objects I remember looking at the Golden Temple ahead of me, to the right my mum had taken off her silver watch and placed it on the edge of the water, another attractive, shiny thing to look at for a toddler, until a splash of water saw it disappear into the tank, followed by lots of commotion to try and recover it. I also remember we travelled to places in a white taxi which had red leather seats and I lost my milk bottle so my mum had to improvise with a Coca-Cola one. And the village we visited where there were beautiful peacocks. A few years ago I related these memories to my mum to see if they were accurate, we were both quite surprised at my recall.

Counting Blessings

During the tea break of a recent training I delivered, the participants were having an interesting conversation. They were sat near by as I organised the handouts for the next session and were discussing the rising cost of living in the U.K. One persons view caught my attention in particular it went along the lines of: ‘Yes food prices are rising and we have to choose between the regular loaf and the more expensive brand - at least there is a loaf of bread there on the shelf for us to buy! Fuel prices are increasing dramatically – we have heat and light and so many other things at the flick of a switch when countless others in the world don’t have that guarantee. The cost of petrol has risen for sure but at least we have the comfort cars afford when so many others are in situations where they have to walk many miles for basics such as clean water. And other household bills are up – but it means at least you have a place of shelter! A home, when so many don’t.’

It was such a fantastic reframe on the rising cost of living, one that certainly made me reflect with a sense of gratitude and appreciation and I’m sure that it will continue to occupy space in my thoughts as I set off now on my adventure to India where I’ll be travelling for the next few weeks.

10 Don'ts from your child

I was sorting through some paper work the other day and found a photocopy of this lovely list. I think it works well with adult to adult relationships too. There’s no author named on it.

1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all that I ask for. I’m only testing you.

2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it makes me feel more secure.

3. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

4. Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

5. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way, sometimes.

6. Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

7. Don’t forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I’m not always very accurate.

8. Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

9. Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

10. Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of understanding and love – but I don’t need to tell you do I?

Identity and Family Relations

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague recently. We were discussing how relations such as grandparents go a long way to define our sense of identity – our sense of who we are. I was still carrying those thoughts with me when I went to see my grandmother at the weekend.

She’s been there all of my life, as part of my personal history in terms of the times we have spent together and things we have done.

I stayed with her in India for several months as a youngster and thinking about it now I’ve come to realize just what a big impression she has left on me. About 4am every day she would wake up and quietly do yoga. Sometimes if I happened to stir I’d open my eyes to find her lying on her back with her legs up in the air, perfectly straight and she’d hold that posture for some time. It’s interesting that as an adult, yoga is one of the things I most look forward to and enjoy doing in the mornings.

Back in those days breakfast was the main meal, we didn’t take lunch. At about 3pm my grandmother would make some snacks and then we’d have an early supper. I’m astonished as I look back that today quite unconsciously I follow the same eating pattern and it feels so natural. I’m only satisfied if I have a substantial meal at breakfast; I take fruit between 3 and 4pm, followed by an early dinner.

She also taught me how to keep a room really cool in the summer. She’d say that shutting the windows keeps out the warm air and drawing the curtains blocks out the sunlight. So in my own home, when the outside temperature soars I just follow those steps for whichever room is getting the sunlight and it can often get pretty chilly inside!

Whenever she and I ventured out of the village to the town in order to make purchases, she’d take on a completely different persona. Nearly all the people we’d come into contact with during our shopping trips would be men and her assertive and ‘I mean business’ attitude spoke volumes about how she expected them to deal with her. I remember sometimes I would just look at her and think is this really my grandmother! And now, well I’ve made two unaccompanied trips to India and like grandmother like granddaughter!

I’m just wondering how many other parts of her I have internalized.

Self Esteem

I’ve been looking out through the window these past few days as it’s been raining (and raining and raining!) and wondering how life is a lot like nature. Sometimes the terrain can be flat for as far as the eye can see and the road ahead seems easy and effortless and there are blue skies and bright sunshine to enjoy. Then there are those cold, dark places, where it’s difficult to see and everything seems shrouded in mist and it’s hard to know which way to go or where the road will lead us. Life is constantly changing.

People who have high self esteem have a strong self belief that they can handle whatever happens to them, that they will find a way through, this attitude helps them to navigate through the difficult times. It keeps them moving, so they don’t get stuck and they keep searching for answers and solutions. Added to this is a deeply held belief that they also deserve to be happy and are worthy of having good things happen to them, of achieving their life goals and of having the love and respect of those around them.

These two beliefs give people with high self esteem an inner core of stability and strength regardless of the changes that may happen as they travel their life’s journey.

Strategies for Wellbeing

I’ve been using this simple but powerful strategy for some time now to maintain good health:

Eat Well – work out what kind of diet suits you best, stay clear of foods that don’t agree with you. Create regular times for meals so your body knows when to expect food and doesn’t panic when it’s running low on fuel.

Sleep Well – again it’s about discovering what time best encourages restful sleep for you, dragging the body when it needs rest is damaging. Once you know what bed time ensures you a good night’s sleep stick to it as far as possible.

Move Your Body – Think about what forms of exercise you really enjoy and include them into your schedule on a regular basis. You don’t have to be gym person - mine are morning yoga and evening walks and I feel the difference. Keep it simple and enjoyable.

Think Positive Thoughts – The mind and body are connected and work together as one system. Any thought you have has an immediate effect on your body, causing changes in breathing, heart rate, posture etc. Thinking positive thoughts enhances physical and emotional wellbeing. We don’t always have control over life situations or events but we can choose how we think about them.

The Victim and the Bully

The bully’s position is always defined by the victim. If there’s no victim there can’t be a bully.

As soon as the victim realizes their personal power and is no longer a victim the bully either disappears – since in order to maintain their position as a bully they must seek another victim or less frequently the bully too is empowered and transformed.

At one time, somewhere in the past the bully will have also been a victim. They too will have been bullied or abused and this pattern can often be seen going further and further back into the family system. Thinking about it in these terms bullies are really victims of victims. This is not to condone their bad or abusive behaviour but to understand why they do what they do. The important point is to know that the most powerful person within the bully/victim relationship is always the victim.

Charhdi Kalaa Jatha

The Charhdi Kalaa Jatha were in town this weekend as part of their U.K tour. I first heard them doing Kirtan at Harmandir Sahib in Amritsar last April, they were the first Jatha to start the mornings Kirtan and it was enchanting. This is them at Singh Sabha Gurdwara, Southall.

The Power of Visualization

I’ve been in my current home for over a year now. Here’s a little story about how I found it.

I needed to move quite quickly. From experience I know that the power of visualization is all in the detail. So I sat down and created a floor plan of the property, where exactly I wanted each room, right down to the positioning of the doors and windows. I designed the kitchen with beech effect units and cut out all the types of appliances I wanted from a catalogue and stuck them into their respective places. I really liked the Zanussi oven in the old place so I cut out the latest model of it and glued it on too.

I drew a white bathroom suite and a nice semi-circle basin, with the particular type of mixer tap I had seen somewhere and liked - not forgetting a lovely towel rail I had seen in someone’s house. There were to be fitted wardrobes with panelled doors and wooden flooring. Everything had to be newly installed too as I just wanted to move in and hang my clothes up.

There were lots of other things I wanted along with my new home – safe parking outside, shrubs and greenery, friendly, helpful neighbours and a park nearby where I could take my evening walk. The location had to be close to town, but very quiet and peaceful, somewhere I could hear the birds sing.

Having designed my perfect home, every evening while washing the dishes I would visualize the property and walk through it in my mind. I’d spend on average 4 hours a day house hunting. The more I did my visualization though the worse the condition of the properties, to the point I’d joke with the agents that they were showing me ‘haunted houses’. The situation was getting stressful, I was spending lots of time, money and energy on trying to find this property, I knew exactly what I wanted and then one evening – while washing dishes of course (I find it very therapeutic!) I stamped my foot on the floor and said to myself ‘I DESERVE TO HAVE IT’. In the space of 48 hours I had found the property, viewed it twice and finalized the agreement.

So whatever you want to achieve – make it as specific as possible. Visualize it in every detail so that it feels familiar. If you hit obstacles along the way – check out what you believe about your goal – do you believe you deserve it? Do you believe it’s possible?

Needless to say everything I visualized about my home was there with amazing accuracy. I’ve kept my original floor plan and drawing, here are a few shots:

Giani Thakur Singh Ji

Giani Thakur Singh Ji has been in the U.K for the past week following the Prakash 300 Program. I went to see him a few days ago when he was in Southall. He’s so down to earth and funny, and had everyone in stitches with his jokes, such a contrast from his more serious ‘on stage’ personality when he does Katha.

Slough Rainsabai Kirtan

There was a Rainsabai Kirtan here in Slough this weekend to celebrate Guru Harkrishan Sahib's Gurpurb. It reminded me of sitting in Harmandir Sahib – with everyone all tightly packed in. There’s something very special about being in Sangat and hearing Kirtan in the early hours of the morning. And it was a real treat to get home in 5 minutes, when normally the drive back can take anything up to two hours. This is Khalsa Primary School where it was held.

The Wisdom of Children

Sameena is one of my closest friends, we got together for a natter recently. She has two beautiful daughters, here is the eldest Manal chilling out after Koran reading class.

I always marvel at the wisdom of young children, they are wonderful metaphors for health, being so tuned into their needs. They eat when they’re hungry, stop when they’re full and sleep when they’re tired. When they are happy they are brimful and their upset is accompanied by tears. They come at life with such vivid imaginations in which anything is possible, enormous determination and insatiable curiosity.