Identity and Family Relations

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague recently. We were discussing how relations such as grandparents go a long way to define our sense of identity – our sense of who we are. I was still carrying those thoughts with me when I went to see my grandmother at the weekend.

She’s been there all of my life, as part of my personal history in terms of the times we have spent together and things we have done.

I stayed with her in India for several months as a youngster and thinking about it now I’ve come to realize just what a big impression she has left on me. About 4am every day she would wake up and quietly do yoga. Sometimes if I happened to stir I’d open my eyes to find her lying on her back with her legs up in the air, perfectly straight and she’d hold that posture for some time. It’s interesting that as an adult, yoga is one of the things I most look forward to and enjoy doing in the mornings.

Back in those days breakfast was the main meal, we didn’t take lunch. At about 3pm my grandmother would make some snacks and then we’d have an early supper. I’m astonished as I look back that today quite unconsciously I follow the same eating pattern and it feels so natural. I’m only satisfied if I have a substantial meal at breakfast; I take fruit between 3 and 4pm, followed by an early dinner.

She also taught me how to keep a room really cool in the summer. She’d say that shutting the windows keeps out the warm air and drawing the curtains blocks out the sunlight. So in my own home, when the outside temperature soars I just follow those steps for whichever room is getting the sunlight and it can often get pretty chilly inside!

Whenever she and I ventured out of the village to the town in order to make purchases, she’d take on a completely different persona. Nearly all the people we’d come into contact with during our shopping trips would be men and her assertive and ‘I mean business’ attitude spoke volumes about how she expected them to deal with her. I remember sometimes I would just look at her and think is this really my grandmother! And now, well I’ve made two unaccompanied trips to India and like grandmother like granddaughter!

I’m just wondering how many other parts of her I have internalized.