Counting Blessings

During the tea break of a recent training I delivered, the participants were having an interesting conversation. They were sat near by as I organised the handouts for the next session and were discussing the rising cost of living in the U.K. One persons view caught my attention in particular it went along the lines of: ‘Yes food prices are rising and we have to choose between the regular loaf and the more expensive brand - at least there is a loaf of bread there on the shelf for us to buy! Fuel prices are increasing dramatically – we have heat and light and so many other things at the flick of a switch when countless others in the world don’t have that guarantee. The cost of petrol has risen for sure but at least we have the comfort cars afford when so many others are in situations where they have to walk many miles for basics such as clean water. And other household bills are up – but it means at least you have a place of shelter! A home, when so many don’t.’

It was such a fantastic reframe on the rising cost of living, one that certainly made me reflect with a sense of gratitude and appreciation and I’m sure that it will continue to occupy space in my thoughts as I set off now on my adventure to India where I’ll be travelling for the next few weeks.

10 Don'ts from your child

I was sorting through some paper work the other day and found a photocopy of this lovely list. I think it works well with adult to adult relationships too. There’s no author named on it.

1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all that I ask for. I’m only testing you.

2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it makes me feel more secure.

3. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

4. Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

5. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way, sometimes.

6. Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

7. Don’t forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I’m not always very accurate.

8. Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

9. Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

10. Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of understanding and love – but I don’t need to tell you do I?

Identity and Family Relations

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague recently. We were discussing how relations such as grandparents go a long way to define our sense of identity – our sense of who we are. I was still carrying those thoughts with me when I went to see my grandmother at the weekend.

She’s been there all of my life, as part of my personal history in terms of the times we have spent together and things we have done.

I stayed with her in India for several months as a youngster and thinking about it now I’ve come to realize just what a big impression she has left on me. About 4am every day she would wake up and quietly do yoga. Sometimes if I happened to stir I’d open my eyes to find her lying on her back with her legs up in the air, perfectly straight and she’d hold that posture for some time. It’s interesting that as an adult, yoga is one of the things I most look forward to and enjoy doing in the mornings.

Back in those days breakfast was the main meal, we didn’t take lunch. At about 3pm my grandmother would make some snacks and then we’d have an early supper. I’m astonished as I look back that today quite unconsciously I follow the same eating pattern and it feels so natural. I’m only satisfied if I have a substantial meal at breakfast; I take fruit between 3 and 4pm, followed by an early dinner.

She also taught me how to keep a room really cool in the summer. She’d say that shutting the windows keeps out the warm air and drawing the curtains blocks out the sunlight. So in my own home, when the outside temperature soars I just follow those steps for whichever room is getting the sunlight and it can often get pretty chilly inside!

Whenever she and I ventured out of the village to the town in order to make purchases, she’d take on a completely different persona. Nearly all the people we’d come into contact with during our shopping trips would be men and her assertive and ‘I mean business’ attitude spoke volumes about how she expected them to deal with her. I remember sometimes I would just look at her and think is this really my grandmother! And now, well I’ve made two unaccompanied trips to India and like grandmother like granddaughter!

I’m just wondering how many other parts of her I have internalized.

Self Esteem

I’ve been looking out through the window these past few days as it’s been raining (and raining and raining!) and wondering how life is a lot like nature. Sometimes the terrain can be flat for as far as the eye can see and the road ahead seems easy and effortless and there are blue skies and bright sunshine to enjoy. Then there are those cold, dark places, where it’s difficult to see and everything seems shrouded in mist and it’s hard to know which way to go or where the road will lead us. Life is constantly changing.

People who have high self esteem have a strong self belief that they can handle whatever happens to them, that they will find a way through, this attitude helps them to navigate through the difficult times. It keeps them moving, so they don’t get stuck and they keep searching for answers and solutions. Added to this is a deeply held belief that they also deserve to be happy and are worthy of having good things happen to them, of achieving their life goals and of having the love and respect of those around them.

These two beliefs give people with high self esteem an inner core of stability and strength regardless of the changes that may happen as they travel their life’s journey.