Last weekend I spent a wonderful afternoon in the company of my nephew Harry, who is two and a half years old. He quickly transformed an empty chocolate box into a camera and peered down one end of it seeing me at the other. When we went to the park, his buggy replaced the toy cars he’d been playing with at home and he happily pushed it around the play area.
As I watched him I was amazed at how instantly he can change his thinking, it reminded me of the NLP concept of Feedback versus Failure. This is about how to see whatever results from a given situation as an opportunity, focusing on what was done really well and giving acknowledgement and praise for that, identifying areas which need to be improved, creating specific plans for making those improvements and then to prepare for the next opportunity.
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Friday, 19 June 2009
Cleaning Up
I’ve been undertaking a little project at home. The strong smells and colours of ordinary detergents and cleaning products had been bugging me for a while, so I decided to investigate alternative options. And I really did have to play detective in our airport sized local superstore. The natural cleaning stuff was neatly tucked away at the end of a totally unrelated aisle. So, one by one as I’ve needed to replenish stocks, I’ve been trying out the plant derived variety and have been really impressed.
Having a strong sense of smell, the first thing that hits me is how pleasant the fragrances are, one kind of antibacterial cleaner has such an amazing smell (I think it’s the bergamot in it) that it was nearly nice to be cleaning. And they work just as well. Another surprising discovery was how cheap the natural stuff is. So it’s been a win-win all round. Amazing what happens when we explore a different route to the same destination!
Having a strong sense of smell, the first thing that hits me is how pleasant the fragrances are, one kind of antibacterial cleaner has such an amazing smell (I think it’s the bergamot in it) that it was nearly nice to be cleaning. And they work just as well. Another surprising discovery was how cheap the natural stuff is. So it’s been a win-win all round. Amazing what happens when we explore a different route to the same destination!
Friday, 12 June 2009
Positive Intention
This is one of my favourite NLP concepts, especially in communication, where it can have a profound impact in terms of understanding, respect and compassion. So what is positive intention? It’s best demonstrated with an example.
Last week I gave my Dad a call to see how he was doing. He’s a warm person and takes his fatherly responsibility very seriously – he always goes through a list of questions to find out I am well and happy. This time however he was distant and didn’t want to talk to me. So I left it there. I applied the notion of positive intention to his behaviour - he was trying to achieve something positive through his behaviour of not wanting to speak with me, even though I didn’t know what that was. I left the matter alone and continued with my day, instead of running different scenarios in my mind of what I may or may not have done for him to be like that or how I was now going to respond to him because of his behaviour. In the evening he called back – this time his usual self, warm, caring; needing to know all was well with me. He also said he couldn’t talk earlier because he was at someone’s house when I had called and the family were present there so he didn’t feel comfortable.
To me positive intention is suspending judgment; it’s leaving the space free for further information. Like when a driver overtakes aggressively, it’s kinder on both of us for me to think there is some positive intention as to why they are doing what they’re doing, may be they are running late for an important appointment, perhaps there’s a sick child or relative at home or it’s their way of coping with stress - whatever – focusing on the positive intention keeps me relaxed, positive and stable.
Last week I gave my Dad a call to see how he was doing. He’s a warm person and takes his fatherly responsibility very seriously – he always goes through a list of questions to find out I am well and happy. This time however he was distant and didn’t want to talk to me. So I left it there. I applied the notion of positive intention to his behaviour - he was trying to achieve something positive through his behaviour of not wanting to speak with me, even though I didn’t know what that was. I left the matter alone and continued with my day, instead of running different scenarios in my mind of what I may or may not have done for him to be like that or how I was now going to respond to him because of his behaviour. In the evening he called back – this time his usual self, warm, caring; needing to know all was well with me. He also said he couldn’t talk earlier because he was at someone’s house when I had called and the family were present there so he didn’t feel comfortable.
To me positive intention is suspending judgment; it’s leaving the space free for further information. Like when a driver overtakes aggressively, it’s kinder on both of us for me to think there is some positive intention as to why they are doing what they’re doing, may be they are running late for an important appointment, perhaps there’s a sick child or relative at home or it’s their way of coping with stress - whatever – focusing on the positive intention keeps me relaxed, positive and stable.
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