Darshan Kaur

Modern Living

2010-10-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

As I was loading up the washing machine with laundry the other day, I thought how interesting it is that despite all these time saving gadgets so many people, including me still cry ‘there’s just not enough time in the day!’ I wonder … perhaps the time is there, only that it’s gobbled up by all the loud, demanding, ‘urgent’ types of tasks, leaving a few crumbs - precious moments for those activities which really nourish the depths of our being. I’m screening and challenging the ‘urgent’ more now and find most things which seem so imperative can actually wait.

Fastest way to feel down

2010-10-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

When we compare ourselves to other people whom we perceive to be happier, more attractive, more educated or affluent, we are sure to feel down instantly. It doesn’t take much pondering over or reflection to get a result.

On the other hand it’s also really easy to feel instantly happy too, just by reminding ourselves of all that we do have right now that is good such as health, supportive family and friends etc.

It helps to remember that everyone has problems and that the grass on the other side is never greener - it’s just a different kind of grass.

Charitable Children

2010-09-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

Kids are so funny, Harry my four year old nephew wanted to put some coins into the charity box on the shop counter, I didn't have any cash on me at all, being so clever he grabbed the credit card I had used to pay for the ice creams out of my hand and put it into the charity box!!! Luckily I managed to act quickly and got hold of one corner of the card before it disappeared completely into the slot. A very charitable little boy! If either of his parents say they have no money when he's asking for something his reply is 'use your card!' - he's worked out these little pieces of plastic have power!

Patience of Children

2010-09-21T05:43:00.000-07:00

After the family get together at the weekend all the children were loaded up into the respective cars and strapped into their car seats. With everything done the grown-ups stood and chatted and a very long goodbye ensued as we enjoyed the evening coolness. Meanwhile the kids aged 6 months to four years sat in their pyjamas under blankets, strangely they just looked on not making a single sound by way of complaint for the delay and the time the adults were taking to wind up and get going. These were the same little ones who had been shouting the house down earlier with their laughter and crying, yet somehow they haven’t yet learnt to be impatient in the manner adults would be when waiting for one another. Given that they had no idea when the conversation would draw to a close and the cars would get moving their patience was a truly amazing sight.

Power of Relaxation

2010-09-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Making a conscious effort to stay relaxed in body and mind has more than the obvious benefits. I’m catching myself noticing more opportunities and making better decisions. I’m picking up more information and details than before in a whole range of situations. Body is more clearly able to sense when something is wrong too. To think all that energy was spent on being tense before! What a waste!

‘I always have a choice’

2010-08-31T06:51:00.000-07:00

After much practice, this is a phrase I like to say to myself a lot – as creatures of habit we often forget we have choice in our thinking, our actions and decisions. The unconscious pull of our usual patterns of thinking or behaving cause us to do what we always do and hence we end up with the same old results.

To get different results – do things differently – flexibility is key.

Smile

2010-08-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

It’s one of my favourite things to do when I’m out and about, one that’s very heart warming when shared with an appreciating stranger. Giving and receiving a smile changes both people. May be the person receiving a smile will go on to smile at someone else, it has a positive impact on the people watching too – and we are always being watched. Sometimes I wonder how long a chain of smiles could be, may be my smile could come all the way round and back to me ; )

Blue Sky

2010-07-08T06:48:00.000-07:00

One of the things I catch myself doing from time to time during the day is stopping and taking a moment to look up at the sky and soak up its amazing beauty. It feels as if wherever I am in the world; outdoors in nature, stuck in a traffic jam surrounded by concrete jungles or simply at home, looking at the sky gives me instant access to nature and the feelings of inspiration and appreciation that come from seeing those stunning colours and patterns.

Don’t be a Slave

2010-06-29T08:57:00.000-07:00

‘Don’t ever be a slave to your body, house, family, money, work or any other externals …’

I’m not sure where I came across this quote. It’s a great reminder though to keep things in perspective and not let any particular aspect of our lives take us over, control us, our time, emotions or thoughts, to the point that we forget ourselves and the other things which are important and beneficial to us and our wellbeing. Doing the best we can and then detaching can help us move away from obsessing and towards self mastery.

Red Roses

2010-06-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

It’s been a month now since I came back from holiday. Usually the benefits have worn off by the time the laundry has been done and normal routine re-established. This time though things are different. I’m catching myself noticing things I didn’t see before like the stunning red roses in the neighbour’s garden as I drive off in the morning and the formation of the clouds in the evening sky. The rose bushes are quite mature, yet how come they didn’t enter my line of vision last year?

While on holiday I got into a wonderful habit of relishing the moment, just allowing my senses to soak up whatever I was seeing and hearing at the time. Not to be in my head, distracted by thoughts but to really experience that precious moment. I realized the present - this moment now is actually my entire life as the past and future don’t exist. To really ‘live’ my life I need to place attention fully in the present moment. I’m not ‘living’ my life if my mind is absorbed and lost in memories of the past or plans about the future, both have their place, but they can’t hog centre stage all the time. If I’m living the present moment really well, when I reach that time in the future, it too will get all my attention. It’s a very relaxing approach; I’ve noticed the change in muscle tone especially in my feet. Let’s hope it sticks!

Children and Grieving

2010-06-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

My three year old nephew Harry sat on my mums bed while she did the ironing. After a while he asked ‘where are nana’s clothes?’ noticing she was only ironing her own. ‘Doesn’t nana love you anymore?’ his little mind trying to make sense of why his grandfather didn’t live with us now. Finally he computed a solution: ‘lets get a ladder nanny then we can go ‘upstairs’ and bring nana back.’

Harry’s ‘let’s get a ladder and fetch nana back’ idea which has gone on for a few weeks came to a head yesterday as my mum told him ‘people who go upstairs to God don’t come back’, hearing this he went straight over to a wall painting depicting a religious figure and started hitting it repeatedly, a strong action for a little boy who isn’t known to be angry.

I wonder how difficult it must be for him as a small child to square the loss of his grandfather.

Past Lives

2010-05-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

I’ve always been interested in reincarnation and sometimes asked myself questions like; ‘Where was I a hundred years ago?’, ‘Where will I be in two hundred years from now?’ I can’t remember where I read or heard this meaningful quote that ‘each lifetime is just another chapter in the book of the soul’. Like a story book the same characters show up again and again in the different chapters. I think this is the same for us, people whom we have been connected to before in another time and place showing up again in our current lives. I also believe we carry forward special qualities and talents. So the plot moves on a little more each time as we give where we have previously taken and receive where we have given.

I wrote this post on 29th January, somehow feeling compelled to write on the topic of life and death. The following day on 30th January 2010 Dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Thankfully it was a painless natural death and he did not suffer. Here he is on our last holiday together in India.

Sharpening the Saw

2010-01-26T07:59:00.000-08:00

This is a wonderful analogy used by Stephen Covey in his fantastic book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, in which he describes the sorry state of a person working long and hard to cut down a tree, sweated and worn out from the effort. When it is suggested he take a break and sharpen the saw he replies ‘Goodness I don’t have time to sharpen the saw, I’m far too busy sawing!’ and carries on sawing away with the blunt blade.

India is my favourite place to go and sharpen my saw. Last time I was there several ideas for articles came to me in a matter of minutes and I have since written and published those pieces. There were also spontaneous ideas for workshops, which I have run in this last year. Plans which came to mind so effortlessly in India, have matured now and blossomed into wonderful projects. And of course it’s not just the creative saw which is sharpened but also the physical, emotional and spiritual, through rest, being close to nature and having time to reflect.

Happiness Formula

2010-01-08T06:29:00.000-08:00

I appreciate simplicity and this little formula is very dear to me.

‘Eat well, sleep well, think positive thoughts and move your body’

I find it an easy check list to hold in the front of my mind as I go about life.

Eat well – eating what suits my particular body (a vegan diet) and saying no to ‘plastic’ food (junk food).

Sleep well – means good routine and a well rested body that’s raring for the world in the morning.

Think positive thoughts – remembering I always have choice, I can step back and ask: ‘is this train of thought going to take me to a positive destination or a negative one?’, before I jump on it.

Moving the body – energy spent is energy earned, exercise is a fantastic investment!

For me these are the roots of the wellbeing tree, the fruits are clarity of thought, informed decisions, energy, motivation and action.

People are Reliable

2009-12-17T07:46:00.000-08:00

I recall the words of a colleague who once said ‘people are reliable, you only need to meet them twice – on the first meeting they’ll tell you everything about themselves, just look and listen without any wishful thinking. There won’t be much new information in the second meeting; this is just to confirm what you picked up on in the first. After that you’ll just get repetitions of the behaviour, manner, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses that came out in that first interaction. So you can decide whether or not to progress in business or friendship based on your first meeting and be pretty accurate.’

I’ve never forgotten his wisdom. However in the past few months I’ve had real insight into what he was saying, when two people whom I met many years ago popped up out of the blue. There had been no contact for a long time and with each separate person it was startling to see that whatever I had been wary of in the initial meeting was still there only this time more exaggerated, more entrenched. In both cases the outer circumstances of each person’s life were also exactly the same as they had been several years earlier, which informed me that the inner thoughts and beliefs must also still be the same, since our actions stem from our perceptions.

In therapy it’s often said that three things have to be present in order for change to take place. The first is awareness that change is required, then the willingness and effort to make that change, the third is the right kind of professional help to facilitate the change process. If any one of these is missing change won’t occur. On the other hand it’s rare that all three conditions come together in the same place at the same time, hence my dear colleague’s words, ‘people are reliable, because they keep doing the same thing again and again.’

Today, Tomorrow, No Now!!

2009-12-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

At the weekend I sat down and went through the nice new diary I bought a while ago, planning the times when I would like to take leave next year. It’s a great thing to do as there is no boss to seek permission from and I can take as much or as little as I like. It took a while and after I finished I went and did some chores. As I moved around I had a profound realization when a voice in my head said – ‘I don’t even know if I’ll be alive at that time I’m planning for, I have no guarantee whatsoever I’ll even be here tomorrow, this evening even!’

Life is just moment to moment and the present is all we truly ever have. It was one of those rare gems of thought, which has made me slow down (a lot) and savour what I’m doing as I’m doing it and I certainly feel enriched as a result. So much of our western lifestyle is focused on the future - a destination somewhere out there, and that’s important, equally too though is the journey that is to get us there and enjoyment of what happens along the way.

Getting a Perspective

2009-12-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

At the weekend I went to a social event. As I parked my car and walked to the front of the building, thoughts regarding difficulties with a supplier of services to my business occupied my mind. At the entrance a man walked quickly across my path, he was holding onto the arm of a younger guy slightly ahead of him, I realised the man was blind. At that moment the difficulties which had been troubling me dropped from my mind in an instant. It was as if the universe was putting my troubles in perspective by reminding me of the gifts I take for granted and forget about - vision being only one of them, there are numerous – food, water, shelter, good health, hearing, mobility, caring family and friends.

Professor Harry

2009-11-25T07:53:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of me and my nephew Harry on our recent visit to a restaurant. On the way there I told him what we would be eating – dosa’s etc as it was south Indian cuisine. When our food arrived his Mum tried to entice him to eat the ‘pancake’ to which Harry promptly replied ‘it’s not a pancake it’s a dosa!’ Quite a big correction from someone who has only just turned three! It never ceases to amaze me how much information small children take in.

Interpreting Your Dreams Workshop

2009-11-19T08:59:00.000-08:00

This is a course I ran on 7th November in Hounslow. It was offered as a free workshop to members of the local community. The response was fantastic with all fifteen places being booked up within four days of the advertising going out and people continued to call and check for places right up to thirty minutes before the training was due to start!

The participants were so eager to learn and it was wonderful how they each made a special contribution - I always think training is a group effort and I know I learnt lots from them. We discovered how some dream symbols such as a train could fall under the category of both a place and a type of object. One participant mentioned teeth as a dream symbol - teeth falling out. Here we thought teeth could be an object but also come under the category of ‘people’ - the person who has lost the teeth.

It was lots of hard work to organise but the appreciation and enthusiasm of the participants made it all worthwhile.

Birds of a Feather

2009-11-13T06:08:00.000-08:00

During the day I like to look out of the window from time to time and have been intrigued by the birds which come and sit on the grass. As they peck, they’ll keep looking up nervously again and again, sensing my presence may be. They perceive me as a danger, something to be feared, forgetting perhaps their amazing ability to fly high into the distance in just seconds in any direction they choose to a place of safety. As the danger they fear I don’t have that ability or speed. I think we are a lot like those birds when we give our fears and problems more power than they actually might have by forgetting our strengths and the wonderful qualities we possess.

Past, Present & Future

2009-10-27T06:46:00.001-07:00

Problems don’t fall out of the sky, they are created over time through our thinking and actions (as well as our non-actions). In this respect we can say we are products of our past. It is our past which has brought us to and shaped the present state of our lives. The interesting thing is that today also informs tomorrow - the future. Whilst we can’t change the past, we do stand at a point of immense power in the present, whatever choices we make today create the consequences we will face tomorrow. In my mind, of the three; past, present and future, it’s the present which offers most leverage in helping us shape and live the lives we truly desire.

In my Shadow is my Light

2009-10-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote some time ago. In my understanding it’s about those aspects of ourselves which need strengthening or improving, parts of us which have been around for a long while, followed us around like a shadow, we usually know them quite well, they are familiar, because we’ve tried so hard to change them and so many times, to the point the mere thought of them can fill us with dread and fear. Yet that dark shadow (those ways of being or behaving) is exactly where we need to go, for it illuminates those areas where we have most opportunity for personal growth.

Problems, Problems

2009-10-13T07:08:00.000-07:00

When we have them it feels like we’re the only ones under the dark cloud and everyone else is deliriously happy! Forgetting perhaps that everyone has problems of one kind or another, for some it's concerns over health, while others are worried about finances or stressed by a relationship, indeed it’s said the only people without problems are the ones in cemeteries. From politicians, royalty and super stars to ordinary people like us, we all have them. What’s interesting too is the common desire to have a ‘problem free’ life. NLP has a profound way of transforming problems into achievable goals. Life is constantly changing and will never be ‘problem free’, however we can equip ourselves with the tools to deal with our problems head on rather than shrinking in fear of them. The amount of energy expended in denying a problem can be huge, the same energy when channelled into transforming a problem into a goal can motivate, uplift, energise and bring hope.

Perfect Imperfection

2009-10-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

I came across this beautiful image of a peacock recently.

Have you ever thought what ugly feet a peacock has? It’s almost as if two different birds have been joined together, but it’s also nice, that even where there are so many awesome qualities, there are also flaws, a bit like us humans with our strengths and weaknesses, our flaws giving us the work we need to do in life’s school. I think striving for perfection is a doomed undertaking as it simply doesn’t exist, and the process of seeking it is costly in the harm done to our self esteem.

Designer Hugs

2009-09-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

A visit to see my grandmother always gives me lots of food for thought. She’s an amazing person, I don’t know anyone who is able to be so present and in the moment and it shows up in everything she does, even her hugs, which are not just a momentary quick there-you-go as mind and body move onto something else, but she really ‘holds’ people physically and emotionally. I don’t ever recall her being the first to let go either. Her way of being is inspirational in this one eye and hand on the next task style of modern life.

Healing Trauma

2009-08-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

I’m not sure where I heard or read this but the idea that ‘Life would not be painful if we lived and died once, but we experience the pain of death every time there is a major trauma in our lives.’ Serious illness, redundancy, repossession of a home, end of a relationship, loss of a parent, child or other close relative are just some of those traumas. The feelings involved can be vast, ranging from explosive anger and rage at one end to deep anguish and hurt at the other. Left unexpressed the emotions don’t go away they take up space and energy as they are repressed, manifesting overtime in the body as muscular tension and even disease.

I feel so empowered as an NLP Therapist helping people in such situations, because NLP can effectively nurture deep healing even with clients for whom the recalling of the traumatic episode is unbearable, or where the memory of the event is fragmented. Giving them freedom from the past, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Food Experiment

2009-08-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

I’m looking forward to an interesting next few days as I manage without a refrigerator. 7 days to be precise until the new one arrives, its poor predecessor having come to a sudden stop last night. I can’t quite get my head round it yet. People have been giving me lots of reassurance, especially stories about how folks forty or so years ago managed perfectly well without them. A time when milk used to be delivered to the door early each morning and the last drop went into nightcaps in the evening. When people cooked enough for one meal. A kind of now and in the moment way of cooking and eating. Reminds me of holidays abroad in India where as children if we got peckish while playing outdoors we would walk just a few metres and pull some turnips out of the soil, wash them with water from a well, peel the skin off with our teeth and gobble them up. And they were so delicious! Soil to tummy in ten minutes!

Giani Thakur Singh Ji

2009-08-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

I caught up with Giani ji at the end of his month long U.K tour. He’s such an approachable, down-to-earth person despite his vast knowledge and international standing. We talked as if we'd known each other for years, no formality, straight into deep, fascinating conversation.

Giani has a keen interest in auras and his insight into aura shapes was amazing. He explained how with regular spiritual practice in the form of prayer and meditation a person's aura can increase in size - deeply spiritual people can sometimes have auras so big it's as if there were a giant standing behind them!

Giani is a great believer in reiki, urging me to undertake training in it and incorporate the approach into my therapeutic practice. He gave an example of a heart surgeon who gives all his patients reiki healing before commencing surgery, accounting for a 100 per cent success rate in patient recovery. Giani knows a lot about the chakras too, both from a spiritual perspective as well as for healing. He related an interesting technique, saying the energy of any chakra can be balanced by doing Mool Mantar jaap or simran while holding a hand over the affected chakra. The other way to do it is to place a hand over the chakra straight after Mool Mantar or simran has finished. The Gurbani or simran helps release the energy blockage in an underactive chakra, while calming one which is overactive.

Wary of time as we both had other appointments, we moved on to the subject of interpreting dreams and especially prophetic dreams which foretell future events. This led our conversation nicely to the future and what that might look like in terms of life here on earth.

Giani ji is constantly attending to people’s problems as they seek advice from him in person, by phone or through radio shows. Coming from a helping profession myself, I wanted to check that he wasn't absorbing this negativity in some way. He agreed he was internalising it into the muscles of his body and promised to walk at least 20 minutes everyday in order to release the negative energy. It's a routine he does have back home in Patiala but which gets overlooked when he’s on tour because of the sheer volume of people wanting to meet him. So he’s going to be doing ‘walkie talkies’ now – taking people who want to meet up with him out for a walk! So if you go to see Giani ji make sure you’re wearing comfortable shoes!

H.A.L.T

2009-07-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

This is a great acronym for maintaining physical and emotional health. The idea is to stop whenever you experience any of these and attend to the particular need, ensuring it is satisfied in a healthy way.

Are you …

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

then Halt!

Of Men and Dogs

2009-07-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

On the weekend I went to hear an inspirational and thought provoking talk, which left quite an impression on me. The speaker described his experience of arriving at the airport. While waiting, he happened to be looking around and saw sniffer dogs scouring the luggage. He made some poignant statements, saying that as human beings we are at the apex of the animal kingdom and yet we need dogs to keep us in line. He stressed we are only human for as long as we have ‘humanness’ in us - that capacity to understand and empathise with others. To me, this isn’t about agreement, since every person has their own unique set of values and principles, but it is about being able to perceive another persons view point, especially when it’s different from our own and to get a sense of their pain and suffering. This is what builds bridges and connects people, to do otherwise is a world of ever increasing conflict, war and famine.

Feedback versus Failure

2009-06-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I spent a wonderful afternoon in the company of my nephew Harry, who is two and a half years old. He quickly transformed an empty chocolate box into a camera and peered down one end of it seeing me at the other. When we went to the park, his buggy replaced the toy cars he’d been playing with at home and he happily pushed it around the play area.

As I watched him I was amazed at how instantly he can change his thinking, it reminded me of the NLP concept of Feedback versus Failure. This is about how to see whatever results from a given situation as an opportunity, focusing on what was done really well and giving acknowledgement and praise for that, identifying areas which need to be improved, creating specific plans for making those improvements and then to prepare for the next opportunity.

Cleaning Up

2009-06-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

I’ve been undertaking a little project at home. The strong smells and colours of ordinary detergents and cleaning products had been bugging me for a while, so I decided to investigate alternative options. And I really did have to play detective in our airport sized local superstore. The natural cleaning stuff was neatly tucked away at the end of a totally unrelated aisle. So, one by one as I’ve needed to replenish stocks, I’ve been trying out the plant derived variety and have been really impressed.

Having a strong sense of smell, the first thing that hits me is how pleasant the fragrances are, one kind of antibacterial cleaner has such an amazing smell (I think it’s the bergamot in it) that it was nearly nice to be cleaning. And they work just as well. Another surprising discovery was how cheap the natural stuff is. So it’s been a win-win all round. Amazing what happens when we explore a different route to the same destination!

Positive Intention

2009-06-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favourite NLP concepts, especially in communication, where it can have a profound impact in terms of understanding, respect and compassion. So what is positive intention? It’s best demonstrated with an example.

Last week I gave my Dad a call to see how he was doing. He’s a warm person and takes his fatherly responsibility very seriously – he always goes through a list of questions to find out I am well and happy. This time however he was distant and didn’t want to talk to me. So I left it there. I applied the notion of positive intention to his behaviour - he was trying to achieve something positive through his behaviour of not wanting to speak with me, even though I didn’t know what that was. I left the matter alone and continued with my day, instead of running different scenarios in my mind of what I may or may not have done for him to be like that or how I was now going to respond to him because of his behaviour. In the evening he called back – this time his usual self, warm, caring; needing to know all was well with me. He also said he couldn’t talk earlier because he was at someone’s house when I had called and the family were present there so he didn’t feel comfortable.

To me positive intention is suspending judgment; it’s leaving the space free for further information. Like when a driver overtakes aggressively, it’s kinder on both of us for me to think there is some positive intention as to why they are doing what they’re doing, may be they are running late for an important appointment, perhaps there’s a sick child or relative at home or it’s their way of coping with stress - whatever – focusing on the positive intention keeps me relaxed, positive and stable.

Listen

2009-05-27T07:58:00.000-07:00

Sifting through some old papers yesterday, I came across this lovely piece; most of us will identify with both speaker and listener.

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I ask.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I should not feel that way, you have trapped my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask, is that you listen, not talk or do – just listen and hear me.

I can do for myself! I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering but not helpless. When you do something for me that I can do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness, but when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling and when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand them.

Perhaps that is why prayer works sometimes for some people because God is mute and he doesn’t give advice or try to fix things. He just listens and lets you work it out for yourself. So please listen and just hear me and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn and I’ll listen to you.

Author unknown

Work more, Buy more

2009-05-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

I was flicking through a health magazine last week while I waited to go in for an appointment and came across an inspiring article. The focus for the piece was the ‘work more, buy more’ modern life style and how an increasing number of people are consciously moving away from this way of living. The shift in thinking stems from a realization that more ‘things’; latest entertainment systems, phones etc don’t always provide more happiness and having to work so hard to earn the necessary money to buy these is very stressful.

It’s something I can identify with after the TV blew up a while ago and I started looking into buying a new one. When I thought about it seriously I realized I hardly ever used it and what I really would value, enjoy and benefit from was an extra weeks holiday this year. It’s made me think of the importance of standing back in situations and asking myself ‘What do I really want here?’

Courage and Honesty

2009-05-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

I heard a lovely story at the weekend about my nephew. It was his first day at school and his parents asked him how it went. ‘Hari c-r-i-e-d’ he said (he doesn’t use I or me yet). Then the mite went on to give his folks a demonstration of how he had cried at school. Showered with lots of hugs and kisses he settled down for his afternoon nap.

Hearing this little snippet nearly brought tears to my eyes, when I look around and see the damage our conditioning has caused us as adults; after a bad day we’re more likely to open the refrigerator door and stuff our feelings with food, drown them in alcohol or send them up in a puff of smoke. This little child could answer his parents question with ruthless honesty, without feeling any embarrassment, in doing so, much of the stress and anxiety he experienced on his first day at school would have been released. What would happen if we could tap back into the honesty and courage we once possessed as children and communicate from that place more often?

Seeing Spiritual Auras

2009-05-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

An aura is the subtle energy field surrounding every living being. This energy appears in the form of different colours depending on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state of an individual at any moment in time. This article is about how you can learn to see auras and be inspired by the more mystical aspects of those you interact with and meet on your life’s path.

Some people associate seeing auras with psychic or clairvoyant powers, for me it’s a little more down-to-earth than that, mainly because I learnt to read them while working in a bank during my student days. It all started when our line manager brought in a newspaper cutting of an article on auras and thought it would be good fun for us to learn how to read them. We learnt quickly but weren’t always sure if what we were seeing was real or imaginary, so being the bright sparks we were, we hit upon the idea that we would all read someone’s aura at the same time and then write our answers down on a bit of paper along with our name and fold it up. Once all the papers were gathered together they could be opened and we could get some idea of the accuracy of our readings. The results were startling; our team of seven all saw the same colour, then we knew we were onto something.

Over the years I’ve had some interesting encounters with auras. While on my travels abroad I met some Gursikhs in Singapore and we had a great time doing experiments. One evening I read the aura of one of them - it was a combination of blue and purple which indicates spirituality and intuition and was positioned around the top of his head. We then all went for a Rainsabai Kirtan and early next morning he was keen to have his aura read again to test if it had changed in any way as a result of hearing the Kirtan. It was fascinating to see the aura was now around his throat and much larger than before, he confirmed his focus for the preceding hours had been on the ‘singing’ of Gurbani as opposed to his daytime routine of thinking about it. So changes in activity as well as mental and emotional state are directly reflected in the colour, location and size of the aura.

The steps for reading an aura are quite easy. All you need is a pale background such as a white or cream coloured internal or external wall against which to stand your subject, with you stood in front of them at a distance of about 10 feet. Ask them to relax by taking some deep breaths and if you notice any signs of muscle tension - around the shoulders for example invite them to relax there, at the same time calm and ground yourself too. After a minute or so you are ready to begin your aura reading. As you look at the person, begin to defocus your eyes so you are more aware of the things in your peripheral vision than the details of the person. Continue to hold attention in your peripheral vision and quite quickly you should be able to see a centimetre or more of colour as a kind of cloud around the outer edge of the persons head and shoulders. It’s a very quick process taking a maximum of 3 to 4 minutes. Practising with others helps because you can compare readings and overcome any ‘is it real or am I imagining it?’ kind of responses. Some people don’t see a colour but they can sense a colour and this way of reading auras works just as well.

Here’s a brief run down of the main aura colours as I have experienced them:

Purple, blue, white and gold represent spirituality, intuition and sensitivity. Electric blue indicates a gift to communicate through telepathy. Pink is the colour of a person who can love unconditionally. Orange speaks of a strong, sociable, outgoing person who is eager to explore life. Yellow is about someone who is optimistic, happy and easy-going, it often appears with green.

Green is about healing oneself or possessing the ability to heal others. I saw this colour on the front of a friends shoulder one time, when I enquired if she had an injury there she told me about her sporting accident and how she had just come from a massage appointment. Having the massage would have promoted healing in the affected area giving rise to the green coloured aura around that part of her body.

Red means lots of focus and energy. Once my sister came home from work and after dropping her bag in the hallway she came straight into the lounge and closed the door behind her. As she stood there against the white of the door I saw a disc of red colour right on the top of her head. I asked if she had been concentrating a lot that day and true enough she’d just come out of an awful meeting which had lasted for hours and had required lots of focused thinking.

Black auras reflect bad intentions or actions. I’ve only ever seen one and despite the outwardly friendly, helpful demeanour of the person, I chose to go with the darkness of the energy surrounding them to inform my decision not to pursue further professional dialogue. A couple of years later I read a story in the local press about the same person, who had been convicted for assaults against women dating back to the time when I saw the black aura.

Sometimes you don’t need to ‘read’ a person’s aura by getting them to stand against a light background and defocusing your eyes etc. the aura is just there, clearly visible. Here‘s an example. I was coming out of a shopping centre once accompanied by a dear friend, as we walked down the steps to the pavement below, two Buddhist monks in their saffron coloured robes passed by quickly in the lunch time crowd. They had the most astonishing auras I have ever seen – electric blue and one foot tall around the tops of their heads, it was a case of ‘follow those monks!’ Sadly we lost them in the crowd. I still wonder sometimes, what kind of spiritual practice they must have had to create such amazing auras.

A similar thing happened more recently when I needed to speak to a well known Kirtanee and Parcharak on some professional matter. It was straight after the Kirtan and the room was filled with people talking. As I approached this person being taller than myself it was necessary for me to look upwards a little, as I did what caught my attention was an incredible gold coloured aura, just around the right side of his head, it was so unexpected but there as clear as day. It’s the only time I’ve seen a gold aura and it made me realize something quite profound; this isn’t just a profession for him - he is naturally gifted with spiritual knowledge and wisdom.

Places have auras too. The aura of Harmandir Sahib at Amritsar is so brilliant that it lights up the sky above the entire complex, so even on the darkest night the sky appears blue as if it were daytime.

Being able to see and appreciate auras is one way of developing our subtle abilities. Spiritual states are experienced through our senses at a very subtle level, manifesting as visions, enchanting sounds, depth of feeling outside our normal range of experience, tastes and fragrances, movement and communication beyond the usual dimensions of time and space. These spiritual experiences are the flowers growing naturally on the wayside, they can be admired and connect us to an increasing sense of awe of the magnificence of the Creator as we walk on our spiritual path. And of course the flowers change with the altitude. The lives of enlightened Gursikhs are embellished with spiritual experiences and we can draw much inspiration from them; Baba Harnam Singh ji Rampur Khera (the account of his life: Se Kinehiya) and Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh ji (his autobiography Jail Chittian) are two such examples. Giani Thakur Singh ji (Patiala) a modern day Parcharak also often refers to the spiritual experiences of living Gursikhs in his katha.

The Meaning of Khalsa Colours

2009-04-28T04:55:00.001-07:00

As subtle beings we are affected by many things, one of these is colour. The colours of the clothes we wear, the food we eat and those we see in our environment all have an affect on our emotions and wellbeing. Below are some meanings of the Khalsa colours from a colour therapy perspective, exploring the many ways in which they influence us as Sikhs in our personal and spiritual development.

The colour yellow has to do with our sense of self, our identity - who we are. It brings forth the emotions of happiness and joy. Yellow is most strongly associated with the brain and mental faculties, giving rise to focus and clarity of thought, it is helpful to learning and the gathering of knowledge. In general terms; knowing your direction and what you are doing in life.

Blue is a beautiful colour, seen in the healing water of Sarovars and the Bana of Gursikhs. It nurtures faith and trust. Blue is the colour of peace. It supports the development of verbal communication skills.

Royal Blue is the colour of sensitivity. The deep blue of the night sky during Amrit Vela enhances intuition, resulting in intuitive thoughts and insights. It is the colour of honesty, of being reliable. Presence and authority are other qualities inspired by this colour.

Orange appears in the form of our Nishan Sahibs, the cholas worn by Panj Pyaray and Sikh turbans. This is the colour of deep joy and bliss. It absorbs shocks, nasty experiences and trauma. It’s about letting go of what holds us back or what is not helpful. Orange is the colour of connection, a sense of community, belonging and social aspects of being.

The colour gold features strongly in Sikh surroundings, from Harmandir Sahib at Amritsar to the domes of Gurdwaras around the world, as well as their interiors. This colour soothes anxiety and represents deep happiness. Gold is healing. It is linked to inner wisdom and may be instrumental in helping people find answers to their life situations.

White occupies the largest space in the Sikh landscape especially in India where white marble has been used extensively in the architecture of Gurdwara buildings and their grounds. It is one of the common colours worn by Gursikh men and women. White is said to contain the whole light spectrum. Its characteristics are strength and purity.

Black is a colour which grounds and helps people to feel deeply rooted. I once heard an interesting story told by an old relative. She was eighteen at the time of the Nankana Sahib massacre in 1922. Her memory of what happened was so vivid; it was like hearing a news report of the incident. Being a feisty young woman she had travelled to Nankana Sahib the day following the massacre. She said Sikhs at that time generally didn’t wear much black; however in the days after the killings many dyed their clothes and turbans black. The massacre would have sent shock waves through the Sikh community; it’s interesting how Sikhs intuitively turned to the colour black which would have had a stabilising effect during a time of anguish.

So what happens when we combine all these colours together, what kind of image do they create?

It’s a person who has a strong sense of themselves, is clear about their identity and who they are. Has deep faith and trust in God. Experiences joy, bliss, happiness and peace. It’s someone who is considerate of others. A confident person, able to handle life’s difficulties and apply focused thinking and action. Who possesses wisdom and knowledge and is on a continuous path of learning. A responsible individual who participates on a social level. A dependable, honest person. Strong and grounded. Having purity in thought and deed. A Khalsa.

The Golden Key

2009-04-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

During the Easter holidays I was checking the car over in preparation for a long journey, when something caught my eye. It was a gloriously sunny day; in the border which lines the fence amongst hundreds of small stones I saw a golden key - an old fashioned long brass key. I’m amazed at how it came straight into my line of vision as I was stood some distance away. So I went over and picked it up, perfectly clean as it was I popped it into my pocket.

One of my favourite books - the kind which has the fragrance of many countries lingering in its yellowing pages is A Little Light on the Spiritual Laws by Diana Cooper; it has a wonderful chapter called The Law of Reflection. Basically that every person, situation or object is a mirror providing us with an important message about ourselves. For example if your car battery goes flat (as mine did last year) it could be highlighting the fact that your body or mind needs rest and ‘re-charging’.

As for my golden key, well keys open doors, doors opening represents new opportunities and people often talk about ‘golden’ opportunities, a key is also symbolic of good luck. ‘Having the key’ means having the answer/s too. I’m still working out what the message is - for a few weeks now I’ve been playing around with creating some fab affirmations which are quickly producing the results I’m after - I wonder if doing these affirmations is the ‘Golden Key’ I’ve found?

Origins of Talent

2009-04-03T05:50:00.000-07:00

It’s said that one life time is just a chapter in the book of the soul. I believe we carry our special talents over with us from previous lives. Last year I met an exceptionally gifted singer and it was interesting to discover his journey as a musician started in childhood. When I look back at my own life I read my first personal development book at the age of eleven, I wonder was it fate it was incorrectly filed in the children’s section or was I drawn to it. It felt very natural to learn about the mind, about meditation and visualisation. I think this notion of ‘carrying over’ applies to our personality traits too; whatever is strongest about you - the comments people who don’t know you first make when they meet you, for example the most common description of me is ‘You’re so calm’, it’s even become a little boring to hear!

Interpreting Your Dreams

2009-03-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

When I deliver training courses no other topic generates as much fascination amongst participants as the subject of interpreting dreams. It seems each person is curious to unravel some of the mystery of their nocturnal visions and gain access to the insights and wisdom they believe are locked in those images.

A good place to start is an understanding of where our dreams come from. For this we must look at the mind and it’s useful to apply the analogy of an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg visible above the water can be likened to our conscious mind; all that we are aware of in the present moment. The conscious mind can deal with about 5 to 7 tasks or pieces of information at any one time and is responsible for linear, analytical thinking involving factual information and numbers.

The 90 percent or so of the iceberg which is under the water and can’t be seen is similar to our unconscious or ‘sub’conscious mind. It takes care of all the thousands of processes going on in the body which keep us alive. The unconscious mind governs feelings, intuition and creativity. It also serves as a huge store house for our life memories and the skills we’ve already learnt. Sometimes also called the right brain the unconscious mind communicates in a language of images, symbols, metaphors and stories and of course dreams.

I believe while we are asleep at night the unconscious mind isn’t just repairing and healing our bodies, it’s also working through the emotional issues we face in our waking lives and attempting to resolve and heal them too.

Dreams can provide us with guidance and reassurance. They can deliver important messages and warnings, shedding light on areas of concern we are perhaps overlooking. Highlighting our fears as well as our deepest desires. So how can you know what your dreams mean?

There are four basic steps. The first is to record your dream. This is best done in a journal. I find spiral bound hard back notebooks are best, since they are the easiest to write in. You can get up to 70 percent more information from a dream by writing it down than simply reflecting on it in your mind. This is because the process of writing gets the dream out of your head and in front of you allowing for much greater clarity. So imagine your dream is like a film you’ve just watched and write it down like a story; ‘I was in such and such a place when this happened and then I …’ don’t worry if you can’t remember all of it, even a snippet can be quite revealing. To improve recall try to wake up naturally; relax for a few moments and gently focus on your dream, this will help to bring it into conscious awareness.

Once you’ve described the ‘story’ of the dream you can begin to break it down by making a list of all the dream symbols. These are the naming words or nouns; the places, people, animals and objects contained in the dream.

Now you’re ready to start your interpretation. Take each dream symbol in turn and ask yourself ‘What does this person represent to me in my life?’, ‘What does this animal/object remind me of?’ or ‘What does this place represent to me?’ and write your answer next to each symbol.

The meanings of symbols are always unique to each individual. A lost handbag in one woman’s dream may represent concerns about losing something she places a lot of importance on such as a job or relationship, because in waking life the handbag normally contains her valuables; money, keys, phone etc. The same dream symbol for another woman could indicate worry about her self image or appearance because the handbag usually has her make-up items in it.

Many people find when they have been interpreting their dreams for sometime; they begin to build up a personal dream dictionary, made up of re-occurring symbols which are unique to them. For example, my car is a common symbol representing my life. Recently I dreamt the car had been transformed into three tall refrigerators/freezers all made out of the same coloured metal as the car and were standing in its parking space. Later in the dream I’m using a microwave oven – a very quick way to ‘defrost’ things and cook them. So the dream speaks of the present in which some aspects of my life feel ‘frozen’ or stuck and advises that I will quickly overcome the challenges.

By the time you’ve taken each symbol and discovered it’s meaning for you, you’ll have most of the message the dream is communicating. The final step is about uncovering the feelings and emotions. These are very important clues as to which aspects of the dream you need to pay most attention to. The question to ask here is; ‘Which scene contains the most energy?’ or ‘Which part of the dream really stands out?’

The unconscious mind produces different types of dreams. It has the capacity to jump forwards in time resulting in prophetic dreams, foretelling events that have yet to take place in real life. It can go backwards too, giving us glimpses into our past lives. The unconscious mind can also pick up and communicate to us information from thousands of miles away. Here is a personal example:

When my father was visiting India once I had a very strong dream in which I saw him lying in a hospital bed and on a drip. The overwhelming emotion was a deep sense of loss that I might never see him again. This was very disturbing, for as far as we knew he was well and really enjoying his holiday. I had only finished relating the dream when the phone rang and my uncle who had arrived back from India that morning said he was on his way over and needed to speak to us urgently. He described how he had gone to meet my father and discovered he had been taken seriously ill and was in hospital. His concern was that my father’s health was deteriorating rapidly because he wasn’t getting the medical treatment he needed and that if we didn’t go and bring him back ‘he might not make it’.

There are various kinds of spiritual dreams too. One type is where the karma of the dreamer is reduced by experiencing the event which would have happened in waking life through the medium of a dream.

From helping us to find solutions to our everyday problems through to settling our karmic debts, dreams play an important role in our lives. Learning how to interpret them can open the doorway to a hidden treasure.

Spring

2009-03-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

Since yesterday it seems spring has finally arrived. The sunshine has been glorious. The winter bugs are still harassing people and a couple of friends are down with viruses. This year has been the best ever for me on the bug front, not one sore throat or cough, much less any flu. Two reasons perhaps. Following a vegan diet automatically pushes me towards more fruit and veg because I can’t default to dairy products. More importantly though, I’ve been staying clear of sugar, completely, which I find very liberating. It’s something I simply don’t have to think about. I’m always reminded of an interesting chat I once had with my G.P. He told me how eating refined sugar lowers immune system functioning by 50% for up to 5 hours. That’s staggering!

I think we’ve become conditioned to associate treats with sugary snacks. I still have treats but not ones which will work against my body. A real treat is something my body will appreciate too, not just my mind.

Finding sugar at my place always brings amusement to my friends, as I stand on tiptoes, poking about on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet with a wooden spoon to find the abandoned sugar pot, so they can enjoy a cup of tea!

Transforming Problems

2009-03-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

I’m very fond of this particular Sikh teaching; suffering and happiness are the two sets of clothes worn alternately by every human being as they travel on life’s journey. It can help us to understand that problems are a part of life, no matter what we may do to protect ourselves; we will encounter them along the way.

The problem was actually a solution at one time. Like in the story of the man who needed to get across a river. Having built his boat he made it safely over to the other side, but then continued on his way carrying the boat on his back for the rest of his life. What is a problem today was the perfect thing to do yesterday given who we were then and our circumstances. We can respect our problems for the good they have done us in the past and know that we have evolved now. Problems are a natural by-product of our creative and growth processes. When we want to go in a different direction that’s more in line with who we are in the present, the old way of doing things becomes problematic.

Our problems are opportunities in disguise. They enable us to change ways of behaving and thinking which are no longer productive for us. A good analogy here is of iron ore, which is first placed into the furnace and made red hot, then taken out and given a good beating by the blacksmith as he hammers it into a new shape. The process we go through with our problems is similar. The intense heat and pressure we experience are necessary to help us get rid of our impurities – those beliefs and ways of acting or relating which need to be updated.

Like the blacksmith, individuals whom we perceive as difficult for the ‘hard time’ they give us, are actually very important to our development, they tell us ‘hey, this is where you need to look’. Hence the saying ‘our worst enemies are our greatest teachers’, because they expose vulnerabilities in us, which we can then strengthen. Viewed in this light, problems can be seen as positive challenges through which we can improve our lives.

Acceptance as paradoxical as it may sound is the first step to changing any problem. This can be hard, but it need only be momentary. Let’s take an example. Imagine I want to visit Paris. I could wish forever and it will remain totally impossible, unless I first acknowledge where I currently am. The moment I accept I’m in London the way to get to Paris is instantly mapped out and within a short space of time I could be there. My accepting I’m in London isn’t the same as liking or wanting to be in London, I may not want to be here for a single minute, however in order for me to get to my destination I must accept that’s where I am today. And so it is for our problems, acceptance of the present situation as it is, no matter how much you dislike it or wish it wasn’t the case, is key.

The solution is always present in the problem. The trick is knowing how to find it. Once you have accepted there is a problem, ask yourself; ‘What do I want instead of this …?’ These are the magic words which will transform your problem into a goal, something you feel attracted towards. It’s far easier to move in the direction of a goal than it is to focus attention on a problem. This is because when we think of problems we usually recall events that have already taken place (the past), causing us to feel stuck, helpless and demotivated. The going round and round in circles kind of thinking. Changing the problem into a goal will steer your thinking towards the future, by getting you to focus on how you would like things to be. It’s energising, creating a positive attitude with which to overcome the difficulty.

The ups and downs of life are the continuously changing externals, the ‘clothes’ we wear on the outside. True happiness, the kind which is constant because it’s not dependent upon any circumstance, relationship or possession is to be found on the inside, within us. That’s the place of real stability and security.

People from the Future

2009-02-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking about how life will be for people in the future, many generations from now when the earth’s resources have been depleted.

Early in the autumn last year we had a blackout in our area, a very rare happening. It was a strange experience - when I looked out through the windows it was completely dark all around accompanied by an eerie silence.

Made me wonder how the people of the future will live without any electricity, gas and petrol. I’m trying to picture life without cookers, fridges and washing machines, heating and cooling systems, PCs, TVs, phones, cars, trains and planes. How will people cook their food, how will they keep warm, how will they earn a living? What will happen to shops, offices, schools and hospitals?

I’m reminded that some people already live life with very little use of electricity. People like some relatives I have in India. The few days I spent with them last year in their village opened my eyes to a different way of life. Practically everything was home grown, from the wheat to rice and even spices like turmeric. They have their own water supply and milk. Cooking is over a clay stove using fire wood from the fields. The crops they grow are also their source of income. Sure, things would change for them too, they wouldn’t be able to use their tractors if there were no diesel, but then they already know how to farm without one and are happy to get around by bicycle. They have a very independent and self-sufficient way of life. Things don’t grind to a halt when there’s no electricity, they can still cook food, keep warm, wash and earn a living. I wonder if they are the people from the future …

Health and the Seasons

2009-02-03T04:03:00.000-08:00

The snow has really created a holiday atmosphere with everyone I spoke to or met today. It’s been too long in coming for someone like me.

I have a theory regarding optimum health and the seasons. For the past few years I’ve noticed as soon as it hits 1st September and the days begin to get cooler, an internal alarm clock goes off for me. The colder and darker the days become, the happier and healthier I am. By the December holidays I’m really thriving.

My theory is that our bodies recognise the weather conditions we were born into and it responds positively to them. I’m born in early January at the height of the winter, so the frost and icy temperatures bring out the best in me, making me feel energetic and bright.

I tested my theory out on a friend, at first it seemed completely way off. She likes high temperatures with lots of rain, not really typical kind of UK weather. Delving a little deeper, I discovered she wasn’t born in England at all; she’s actually born in an African country which does have those weather conditions around the date of her birthday.

Bad news, Good news

2009-01-24T07:00:00.000-08:00

Joking with a friend last night I related to her my theory about how the TV blew up – ‘go on’ she said ‘Professor Darshan tell me how it happened’ – 'Well, I suspect the relentless negativity of the news was just too much for the poor thing to take – I know it was for me!' - I replied.

I believe it is important to keep informed, especially where there is injustice against innocent people. However there’s more to us human beings than the destruction of each other and the planet. We’re doing good things too and it’s a shame more of these stories don’t show up in the news. So that when we watch it we’re not just bombarded with images and reports of occurring and impending disaster but also uplifted, made to feel a little lighter, given some hope and touched in some way by hearing of the kindness and compassion we’re also capable of.

Sometimes I think if aliens came and visited earth and the first thing they did was to switch on the news they’d probably jump straight back in their spaceships and make the quickest exit possible. That would be such a shame, because the news isn’t a balanced representation of what is really happening in our world.

I think we can all take personal responsibility and search for the ‘good news’ in life too. Better still maybe we can create it through our actions as individuals and through our interaction with others.

Life without Television

2009-01-15T09:36:00.001-08:00

Last weekend I made myself a big mug of camomile tea, got my fleece blanket and settled down to watch a good film. When I switched on the TV there was a loud bang followed by some smoke and the smell of fumes. It was a bit of a shock but I was pleased too in a strange way, because I had wanted to have more time to read and to write my journal.

So after airing the room I picked up a half read book, which ironically had been sitting for ages on a shelf in the TV cabinet and snuggled up on the sofa. It was so relaxing, I’d pause from time to time to listen to the gentle ticking of the wall clock and only put the book down after I’d finished it.

I’d already planned to spring clean the lounge the next day so the timing was perfect and with the help of a kind neighbour the TV was put in the car and taken to its final resting place at the tip and a special cage just for old TVs.

It does feel a bit strange, but I do notice I’m more relaxed, which isn’t due to not watching TV. I was such a hopeless viewer anyway, if there were ever a competition to find the worlds worst TV viewer I would win hands down, my viewing was so erratic, I’d go a whole week sometimes without even switching it on, I never followed any programmes. I guess the only real use I had for it was to watch DVDs, something historical and meaningful which I did enjoy from time to time. If all viewers were like me the BBC would only have to make about three programmes a year and alternate them!

I think the relaxation could be down to the fact that I’m now doing more activities which are calming by nature, like reading an inspiring book and really enjoying the quietness, of which there’s not a lot in modern day living. I bumped into a friend yesterday who asked if I’d been on holiday - no I said I’ve just been without TV for a week!

Success with New Years Resolutions

2009-01-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

Most people will be starting the New Year with some resolutions in mind. Having goals is fundamentally important to wellbeing. Goals are attractors, like magnets they pull us forwards into our future, making it compelling and stop us from getting stuck. They give our lives a sense of direction and movement. Achieving them has a positive impact on our self esteem.

Here are some simple tips to help you on your way:

State your goal in positive terms. What you want to achieve as opposed to what you want to stop doing, for example ‘I want to eat less chocolate’ can be better rephrased as ‘I want to eat more fruit’. This is because in order to process the negative your mind first has to make a picture of what is to be negated – so it sees a nice big bar of chocolate and then tells itself not to eat it, which actually reinforces the very thing you want to keep away from! Having a goal of eating more fruit gives your brain a very clear and direct message of what you want to happen.

Commit your goals to writing. Anything which has significance in life is stated in writing. Birth, marriage, death, laws, religious scriptures all have written form. Remember to include the date you set your goal, it will be meaningful when you look back after achieving it. A journal, diary, laptop or postcards are all great for doing this. If you’re a more visually oriented person you might like to create a collage of different pictures or photos which represent your goal.

Specify for Success. Anything can be accomplished if it’s broken down into small enough steps. We human beings have sent men to the moon! Goals are essentially journeys, they take us from where we are to where we want to be and like any journey they are made up of individual steps. Identifying the daily, weekly and monthly steps which need to be taken, will help you to keep on track.

These can be of an external nature such as doing regular exercise, sticking to a healthy eating plan, learning a new skill or getting the support of a friend. Equally important are the internal personal qualities you can draw on like determination, being organised, relaxed, creative or patient. Beliefs also exert a huge amount of influence on goals, an empowering belief to hold could be: ‘I deserve to have my goal and am capable of achieving it.’

Have milestones and celebrate them. Milestones are critical for keeping up the necessary motivation to reach a goal. Celebrating them serves to acknowledge all the effort you’ve put in and how far you’ve come, as well as adding in some all important feel good factor.

Keep your eye on the goal when doing the boring stuff. Having the bigger picture in mind while doing the smaller everyday kinds of tasks towards your goal will help you to stay focused and motivated.

Don’t be scared of the blips. Thankfully we’re not robots, but wonderful human beings, so there will be days when you are amazingly enthusiastic and feel nothing in the world could stop you and others when you feel weary and tired towards your goal. When you have a blip be gentle and loving to yourself and remember if you’ve taken three steps forward and moved back two, you’ve still gained one step and are still closer to your goal than before. That’s something to be proud of.

Treasure Maps

2008-12-27T05:27:00.000-08:00

Creating a treasure map is one of my favourite things to do around this time of year. It’s an enjoyable, fun way of coming up with a wish list for the year ahead. The beauty of it is, because it employs right brain, unconscious processes through imagery, the usual kinds of limited thinking associated with setting goals is easily by-passed.

At the beginning of December I’ll start collecting old magazines, brochures and leaflets that come through the door. So that by the time the holidays start there is a good pile. I tend to do it in two stages. The first afternoon I just go through and cut out any images which appeal to me, it’s not necessary to know why I’m drawn to them, just that I am. It helps to set the scene too, by creating a relaxing environment, through lighting some candles, making sure the room is really cosy and having some nice snacks to nibble on. The next day I’ll take the pile of cut out images and sift them, some may be discarded and with those that remain I’ll start to arrange them onto a piece of coloured card. Once all the positions feel right I’ll stick them down with glue. I might look at it for a day or two and then it will go in the wardrobe out of sight before the new year begins, until I happen to be doing some spring cleaning or sorting, when it might be looked over again.

The unconscious mind processes information in the form of images, symbols, metaphors and analogies. Sometimes it’s only when the year comes to a close that I have been able to work out what a particular image represented to me, as a goal - hence the name treasure, since treasure is always hidden, however the map does always lead to it. For the several years I’ve been creating a treasure map for yearly goals, somehow I’ve always achieved everything on it – this year in particular I feel I’ve just whizzed through in terms of my being, doing and having goals. So I’m looking forward to what the next year will bring.

Time for Reflection

2008-12-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

As the year draws to a close I’ve been reflecting upon the experiences which have been most significant for me. My two trips to India certainly stand out. It was a real test of personal strength to travel alone as a woman knowing that I was going to be entirely responsible for my personal safety and well being. There wouldn’t be the reassurance of emergency services such as police and ambulance as we have here, I’d be completely alone, save for the few days spent with some relatives.

Both trips were exhilarating. I let myself be guided by my intuition, if a situation or person didn’t feel right I didn’t hang around to find out why. Just because an individual or family were friendly and warm it didn’t mean they had my trust, that’s something earned over time. It was emotionally taxing though to be constantly aware of potential dangers to safety, not smiling as much as I do normally was really hard, a friend of mine had told me to leave my smile at the departure lounge at Heathrow and pick it up on the way back – ‘it means different things out there’ she said. Being firm but polite was not too difficult as it’s part of my business personality and staying reserved and quiet was easy since I was travelling alone and there was no one to talk to anyway – the funny outcome of that was most of the locals thought I couldn’t speak the language, some went to great pains to speak to me in English while others would talk about me not knowing I could understand every word that was being said!

‘It’s a land of extremes’ as a friend once said, true to a great extent, a place where chaos and tranquillity dwell as neighbours.

Here are some shots from my last day there.

Two Garments

2008-12-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

I received some sad news recently of a relative who has been diagnosed with a serious illness. As I thought about it today I was reminded of a particular Sikh teaching; that hardship and pain, joy and happiness are the two sets of clothes worn alternately by every human being as they travel on life’s journey.

I like this metaphor, to me at a deeper level it’s indicating that events distressing or happy are external, and we always have the power to choose our response in any situation no matter how difficult. A physical disease could be seen as the start of a healthier way of living. As for ailments labelled as life threatening, no person in the human race has a guarantee that they will wake up to another tomorrow. Crossing the street as a pedestrian, driving a car, getting on a train or aeroplane are just some of the countless potentially life endangering things we individuals do everyday.

For me it’s about not taking anything for granted and living life to the full, not just dreaming dreams but living them, now.

Serenity

2008-12-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

For a while now I’ve cultivated a habit of getting up early and starting meditation and prayer at 5am. The thing that’s most profound at this time of day is the quietness, there’s simply no sound at all for up to 30 minutes sometimes until a car goes past somewhere in the distance. And it’s not just the silence that is so captivating to me but the stillness too - there’s no movement in the environment either, no cars or planes or people. It’s just like life is suspended. The experience of this silence and stillness sets me up for the whole day; it’s the foundation upon which the rest of the day stands. I was reflecting recently that I could give up anything else in life but not this serenity, it has untold value for me.

Rewards of a Healthy Life Style

2008-11-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

I’ve been following a vegan diet now for more years than I can remember and over time I’ve added yoga, meditation and walking into my daily routine. For a few days I’d felt really resistant to taking my B complex vitamin supplement (B12 being a must for vegans). I normally have a blood test once in a while to check B12 and iron levels. So I booked myself in to see the nurse. ‘Before I put this needle in your arm…’ she said (very nice I thought!) ‘… I’ll quickly take your blood pressure as it’s been 2 years since you last visited the surgery.’ It was something over something, so I asked if she could kindly state it in terms that I could relate to, ‘It means you have the blood pressure of a teenager, you must have a really healthy life style.’

Trying to make the most of my visit she also asked if I could stand on the scales. I had a BMI (body mass index) of 20.4 in the healthy range of 20 to 25. When the results of the blood test came back I was right - B12 levels were at the very top of the healthy range, so I’m having a few weeks off my supplement. Although I feel all the benefits of a healthy diet, exercise and relaxation, it was really nice to have it quantified by a health professional. Well worth all the apples and carrots!

The Sage's Story

2008-11-18T02:42:00.000-08:00

Here’s a great Zen Story which sums up the whole concept of living in the moment:

One day a sage was walking in the country when a tiger sprang at him and chased him over the side of a cliff. Luckily he was able to break his fall by clutching at a small shrub, and there he hung, above him the tiger and beneath him certain death on the rocks far below. As the sage clung to the shrub, he noticed some mice nibbling away at its base, and realised it would soon be gnawed right through. Then he caught sight of a wild strawberry plant just within reach, picked the single strawberry growing there, and savoured its sweet taste …..

In the story, the tiger at the top of the cliffs is the past, and the rocks at the bottom are the future. The mice nibbling away at the shrub are the passing of time, which inevitably will bring our earthly existence to a close. Yet the sage troubles himself with none of these things, and instead picks the wild strawberry, the symbol of life itself, and experiences to the full the beauty of its taste. His (or her) secret is the ability to be fully in touch with moment-by-moment experiences, rather than to obscure them with thoughts about past or future or the passage of time. The sage knows exactly what it means to be alive, and abides in that reality rather than in the confused chatter of the mind.

From The Fruits of Meditation by David Fontana, Retreat Magazine

Single Tasking

2008-11-10T08:11:00.000-08:00

I learnt many things during the few days I spent with my relatives in India. Most of the time they wouldn’t let me help them so I was resigned to sitting and watching while we chatted and they went about their daily chores, they were probably right as I can’t really say I’m competent at cooking over a fire!

This gave me a great opportunity to observe how they do things and go about their tasks. What really stood out is that both the men and women only dealt with one task at a time. Their approach was calm, relaxed and focussed. They seemed to enjoy and savour whatever they were doing. And it’s not like they don’t have a lot to do, the farm is run in a very business like manner in which time keeping, individual responsibility and team work are critical.

Since coming back I’ve applied this rule of single tasking to both personal and professional areas of my life. It was a stretch at first for a super multi tasking modern woman, but the rewards have been great.

Just focusing on the task in hand and giving it all my attention, has resulted in increased satisfaction and focus. I feel calmer and enjoy what I’m doing more. The quality of the results I’m achieving is better too. Before I approach any task I think of what is important to do not just urgent and demanding, so that’s leading to better prioritising. Strangely I’m getting more done without feeling overwhelmed or stressed!

Single tasking is allowing me to live the moment rather than just whizz through it like a passenger on a high speed train.

Here’s a pic of my aunt after we’ve all had breakfast, she’s sorting lentils for lunch, there are things that need doing all around her, but she’s sitting comfortably just focusing on the task in hand. How nice!

Real Wealth

2008-11-04T08:03:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I attended a seminar on creating wealth. The speaker’s perspective really caught my attention and I’ve been reflecting and musing over it since. He defined wealth as being what you are left with when you lose everything, when all your money, your home, car and possessions are gone. So your real wealth is your health, skills and talents and support system of family, friends and colleagues. These are all aspects over which each of us has direct influence and if actively nurtured and maintained I think this ‘Real Wealth’ would give rise to the material and monetary kind too.

Close to Nature

2008-10-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

I love many things about India; one of them is how close it’s possible to be to nature. On this trip I saw how rice was harvested, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen rice on the stalk and I’ve been eating it all my life! It felt so bizarre when I came back to UK and sat at my PC, 48 hours earlier I had been taking the cows on my uncle’s farm to have their afternoon drink of water!

Memories

2008-10-22T08:58:00.000-07:00

It’s good to be home again after three weeks in India. I wanted to start my trip there from the beginning – my earliest childhood memory is of this spot when I was eighteen months old and my parents had taken us on holiday. My mum had told me to stand on the side while she bathed my brother in the water. So I stood and like most small children who are drawn to shiny, bright objects I remember looking at the Golden Temple ahead of me, to the right my mum had taken off her silver watch and placed it on the edge of the water, another attractive, shiny thing to look at for a toddler, until a splash of water saw it disappear into the tank, followed by lots of commotion to try and recover it. I also remember we travelled to places in a white taxi which had red leather seats and I lost my milk bottle so my mum had to improvise with a Coca-Cola one. And the village we visited where there were beautiful peacocks. A few years ago I related these memories to my mum to see if they were accurate, we were both quite surprised at my recall.

Counting Blessings

2008-09-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

During the tea break of a recent training I delivered, the participants were having an interesting conversation. They were sat near by as I organised the handouts for the next session and were discussing the rising cost of living in the U.K. One persons view caught my attention in particular it went along the lines of: ‘Yes food prices are rising and we have to choose between the regular loaf and the more expensive brand - at least there is a loaf of bread there on the shelf for us to buy! Fuel prices are increasing dramatically – we have heat and light and so many other things at the flick of a switch when countless others in the world don’t have that guarantee. The cost of petrol has risen for sure but at least we have the comfort cars afford when so many others are in situations where they have to walk many miles for basics such as clean water. And other household bills are up – but it means at least you have a place of shelter! A home, when so many don’t.’

It was such a fantastic reframe on the rising cost of living, one that certainly made me reflect with a sense of gratitude and appreciation and I’m sure that it will continue to occupy space in my thoughts as I set off now on my adventure to India where I’ll be travelling for the next few weeks.

10 Don'ts from your child

2008-09-10T04:31:00.000-07:00

I was sorting through some paper work the other day and found a photocopy of this lovely list. I think it works well with adult to adult relationships too. There’s no author named on it.

1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all that I ask for. I’m only testing you.

2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it makes me feel more secure.

3. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

4. Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.

5. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way, sometimes.

6. Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.

7. Don’t forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I’m not always very accurate.

8. Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.

9. Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.

10. Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of understanding and love – but I don’t need to tell you do I?

Identity and Family Relations

2008-09-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with a colleague recently. We were discussing how relations such as grandparents go a long way to define our sense of identity – our sense of who we are. I was still carrying those thoughts with me when I went to see my grandmother at the weekend.

She’s been there all of my life, as part of my personal history in terms of the times we have spent together and things we have done.

I stayed with her in India for several months as a youngster and thinking about it now I’ve come to realize just what a big impression she has left on me. About 4am every day she would wake up and quietly do yoga. Sometimes if I happened to stir I’d open my eyes to find her lying on her back with her legs up in the air, perfectly straight and she’d hold that posture for some time. It’s interesting that as an adult, yoga is one of the things I most look forward to and enjoy doing in the mornings.

Back in those days breakfast was the main meal, we didn’t take lunch. At about 3pm my grandmother would make some snacks and then we’d have an early supper. I’m astonished as I look back that today quite unconsciously I follow the same eating pattern and it feels so natural. I’m only satisfied if I have a substantial meal at breakfast; I take fruit between 3 and 4pm, followed by an early dinner.

She also taught me how to keep a room really cool in the summer. She’d say that shutting the windows keeps out the warm air and drawing the curtains blocks out the sunlight. So in my own home, when the outside temperature soars I just follow those steps for whichever room is getting the sunlight and it can often get pretty chilly inside!

Whenever she and I ventured out of the village to the town in order to make purchases, she’d take on a completely different persona. Nearly all the people we’d come into contact with during our shopping trips would be men and her assertive and ‘I mean business’ attitude spoke volumes about how she expected them to deal with her. I remember sometimes I would just look at her and think is this really my grandmother! And now, well I’ve made two unaccompanied trips to India and like grandmother like granddaughter!

I’m just wondering how many other parts of her I have internalized.

Self Esteem

2008-09-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

I’ve been looking out through the window these past few days as it’s been raining (and raining and raining!) and wondering how life is a lot like nature. Sometimes the terrain can be flat for as far as the eye can see and the road ahead seems easy and effortless and there are blue skies and bright sunshine to enjoy. Then there are those cold, dark places, where it’s difficult to see and everything seems shrouded in mist and it’s hard to know which way to go or where the road will lead us. Life is constantly changing.

People who have high self esteem have a strong self belief that they can handle whatever happens to them, that they will find a way through, this attitude helps them to navigate through the difficult times. It keeps them moving, so they don’t get stuck and they keep searching for answers and solutions. Added to this is a deeply held belief that they also deserve to be happy and are worthy of having good things happen to them, of achieving their life goals and of having the love and respect of those around them.

These two beliefs give people with high self esteem an inner core of stability and strength regardless of the changes that may happen as they travel their life’s journey.

Strategies for Wellbeing

2008-08-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

I’ve been using this simple but powerful strategy for some time now to maintain good health:

Eat Well – work out what kind of diet suits you best, stay clear of foods that don’t agree with you. Create regular times for meals so your body knows when to expect food and doesn’t panic when it’s running low on fuel.

Sleep Well – again it’s about discovering what time best encourages restful sleep for you, dragging the body when it needs rest is damaging. Once you know what bed time ensures you a good night’s sleep stick to it as far as possible.

Move Your Body – Think about what forms of exercise you really enjoy and include them into your schedule on a regular basis. You don’t have to be gym person - mine are morning yoga and evening walks and I feel the difference. Keep it simple and enjoyable.

Think Positive Thoughts – The mind and body are connected and work together as one system. Any thought you have has an immediate effect on your body, causing changes in breathing, heart rate, posture etc. Thinking positive thoughts enhances physical and emotional wellbeing. We don’t always have control over life situations or events but we can choose how we think about them.

The Victim and the Bully

2008-08-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

The bully’s position is always defined by the victim. If there’s no victim there can’t be a bully.

As soon as the victim realizes their personal power and is no longer a victim the bully either disappears – since in order to maintain their position as a bully they must seek another victim or less frequently the bully too is empowered and transformed.

At one time, somewhere in the past the bully will have also been a victim. They too will have been bullied or abused and this pattern can often be seen going further and further back into the family system. Thinking about it in these terms bullies are really victims of victims. This is not to condone their bad or abusive behaviour but to understand why they do what they do. The important point is to know that the most powerful person within the bully/victim relationship is always the victim.

Charhdi Kalaa Jatha

2008-08-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

The Charhdi Kalaa Jatha were in town this weekend as part of their U.K tour. I first heard them doing Kirtan at Harmandir Sahib in Amritsar last April, they were the first Jatha to start the mornings Kirtan and it was enchanting. This is them at Singh Sabha Gurdwara, Southall.

The Power of Visualization

2008-08-07T05:24:00.000-07:00

I’ve been in my current home for over a year now. Here’s a little story about how I found it.

I needed to move quite quickly. From experience I know that the power of visualization is all in the detail. So I sat down and created a floor plan of the property, where exactly I wanted each room, right down to the positioning of the doors and windows. I designed the kitchen with beech effect units and cut out all the types of appliances I wanted from a catalogue and stuck them into their respective places. I really liked the Zanussi oven in the old place so I cut out the latest model of it and glued it on too.

I drew a white bathroom suite and a nice semi-circle basin, with the particular type of mixer tap I had seen somewhere and liked - not forgetting a lovely towel rail I had seen in someone’s house. There were to be fitted wardrobes with panelled doors and wooden flooring. Everything had to be newly installed too as I just wanted to move in and hang my clothes up.

There were lots of other things I wanted along with my new home – safe parking outside, shrubs and greenery, friendly, helpful neighbours and a park nearby where I could take my evening walk. The location had to be close to town, but very quiet and peaceful, somewhere I could hear the birds sing.

Having designed my perfect home, every evening while washing the dishes I would visualize the property and walk through it in my mind. I’d spend on average 4 hours a day house hunting. The more I did my visualization though the worse the condition of the properties, to the point I’d joke with the agents that they were showing me ‘haunted houses’. The situation was getting stressful, I was spending lots of time, money and energy on trying to find this property, I knew exactly what I wanted and then one evening – while washing dishes of course (I find it very therapeutic!) I stamped my foot on the floor and said to myself ‘I DESERVE TO HAVE IT’. In the space of 48 hours I had found the property, viewed it twice and finalized the agreement.

So whatever you want to achieve – make it as specific as possible. Visualize it in every detail so that it feels familiar. If you hit obstacles along the way – check out what you believe about your goal – do you believe you deserve it? Do you believe it’s possible?

Needless to say everything I visualized about my home was there with amazing accuracy. I’ve kept my original floor plan and drawing, here are a few shots:

Giani Thakur Singh Ji

2008-07-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

Giani Thakur Singh Ji has been in the U.K for the past week following the Prakash 300 Program. I went to see him a few days ago when he was in Southall. He’s so down to earth and funny, and had everyone in stitches with his jokes, such a contrast from his more serious ‘on stage’ personality when he does Katha.

Slough Rainsabai Kirtan

2008-07-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

There was a Rainsabai Kirtan here in Slough this weekend to celebrate Guru Harkrishan Sahib's Gurpurb. It reminded me of sitting in Harmandir Sahib – with everyone all tightly packed in. There’s something very special about being in Sangat and hearing Kirtan in the early hours of the morning. And it was a real treat to get home in 5 minutes, when normally the drive back can take anything up to two hours. This is Khalsa Primary School where it was held.

The Wisdom of Children

2008-07-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

Sameena is one of my closest friends, we got together for a natter recently. She has two beautiful daughters, here is the eldest Manal chilling out after Koran reading class.

I always marvel at the wisdom of young children, they are wonderful metaphors for health, being so tuned into their needs. They eat when they’re hungry, stop when they’re full and sleep when they’re tired. When they are happy they are brimful and their upset is accompanied by tears. They come at life with such vivid imaginations in which anything is possible, enormous determination and insatiable curiosity.